Page 134 of Callahan

I lowered my voice and murmured, “It was a mistake, and I feel like a scumbag for doing it.”

“Just what every girl wants to hear after she’s been with a guy. Good Lord, Adam, I hope you didn’t tell her that.”

“She agrees.”

He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes.

“Mmm, I don’t know about that. She doesn’t look at you like she thinks you were a mistake.”

“Shawn was my best friend in the Marines, Al. He died because I fucked up. How could I do that to him?”

“How did you fuck up?”

“I was on lookout and missed the IED that we hit. Shawn would have been safe at camp and not on his way to rescue me if I hadn’t have missed it.”

He acted like he was waiting for me to say more, and when I didn’t, he held his hands out in a questioning manner.

“That’s it? You missed the bomb that almost blew your arm off and you blame yourself for your friend’s death?”

“I am to blame.”

“Say you would have seen the IED—or say you hadn’t, but your JLTV missed it anyway, who’s to say Shawn’s vehicle wouldn’t have been hit by an RPG later that night? You’re not God. Your friend didn’t die because of something you missed. He died because some fucker put a rocket launcher on his shoulder and fired a grenade into Shawn’s Hummer. You are not responsible for your friend’s death.”

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“Look, I get having survivor’s guilt, Adam, better than most people. I went through it—twice. But you’ve got to live your life, man. If anything, you owe it to Shawn to have a great fucking life.”

“Yeah, but not with his girl.”

“Why the hell not?”

I glanced down at Shawn’s son in my arms.

“It wouldn’t be right.”

Alan shook his head in disgust.

“Whatever. I really hope you get counseling and get this shit figured out before it’s too late.”

“What do you mean,before it’s too late?”

“Before someone smarter than you comes along and snatches her up.”

I thought back to what Brian had said about Dr. Weaver wanting to ask her out.

“It might already be too late.”

“I don’t believe that. She’s here tonight, and while I am fucking awesome, trust me, it’s not so she can spend time with me.”

****

Lainey

That blueberry wine was flipping delicious. I could see how easy it would be to put two bottles away before you knew what hit you.

Not drinking for over ten months wasn’t helping my situation.

After a delicious steak and potatoes dinner that I did not have to help cook, a game of gin rummy, dessert, then two obnoxiously rowdy games of Uno, Brian looked at his watch.

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