Page 42 of Embers in Our Past

“It doesn’t mean I didn’t feel bad for the heartbreak you had also felt. You had suffered with her as well. Infertility is something you both experienced. Then the divorce was hard on both of you. But that kind of heartbreak, not being able to get pregnant, is really hard for a woman.” My mom bows her head.

“Do you know firsthand how it felt for her?” I ask my mom.

“No, not firsthand. Not in that way. I once had a friend—someone I was really close to, who stopped talking to me when I was pregnant with you and your brother—who suffered the way Abby suffered. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the same outcome Abby is now having. She never got a baby of her own. Plus, surrogacy wasn’t what it is today.” She sips her coffee, her gaze drifting off, deep in thought.

“I remember meeting her for lunch, my excitement palpable, to tell her the news I was pregnant.” Her smile grows. “I brought the ultrasound with the written-out A and B from the tech on it.” My mom’s smile drops. “I still remember pulling it out of my purse, and the moment I opened it up on the table, my friend, Jasmine was her name, stood up and stormed out of the restaurant. I was so confused. I had no idea she was struggling. She later called me and told me why she got so angry.

“Then she told me that she couldn’t be my friend anymore. Of course, I was so upset. Here I was, excited about my babies, and I wanted to share the news with everyone. It’s hard to relate to someone’s pain when we are here, happy to have babies to give to the world. In time, I started to understand how it could be perceived. I grew more sensitive the more people I met who struggled.

“Then, when I lost your father, although the situation was completely different, I think I started to understand the grief a bit more because I saw couples getting to do things. I was grieving your father, and when I saw people loving on their spouses, I had feelings of ‘Oh, they’re so lucky.’ I started to realize that it’s all in how we see our situations.”

I look down at my mug and reflect on how hard life has looked for Abby for so long. I realize how difficult it’s all been for her. And how all this might still be. It’s all an adjustment for her. Even with it being exciting, it might be tough to get used to.

“So, as much as you’re my son, she’s still my daughter in a way, Clay. I just see things a little differently for her. I feel for her in many ways. I’m sensitive to her pain. But I’m really excited for you both, sweetie. This is great and beautiful news.” She grabs my cheeks and kisses my forehead, much like she did when I was a little boy.

“Have you told your brother yet?” she asks.

“No, we’re telling him this afternoon. I just wanted to come by and tell you myself.”

“Well, aren’t you a sweetheart.”

“I had to win some points,” I tell her with a wink.

“You’re my favorite today.” She chuckles.

“Only today?” I feign shock.

“Lola is the winner on all the days, Clay. You know that,” she says as if that’s not already known.

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes.

I finish my coffee and head out, needing to get home before Abby makes her way over to welcome Kennedy and River.

CHAPTER 16

Abby

I can’t stop staringat the image of the tiny human I’m carrying. I mean, most of the fruit in my kitchen is bigger than this baby, and yet, this little human already holds my entire heart in their hands. How is that possible?

“We made that,” Clay says, standing behind me at his kitchen table. He’s just as taken by the little being as I am. I think it felt even more real when we saw the flutter of the heartbeat. Once we heard that swoosh overtake the room, our hearts melted, and we knew we would never be the same.

After the ultrasound, we were ushered over to see my obstetrician in her office, where I had more than a “few” questions. I swear, the moment I thought I was done with my questions, several more popped up. At one point, Clay said she was better off giving me her email address so I could compose a detailed document with bullet points because we would take up her entire day.

She was quite shocked to see us. I think she was as excited and surprised we conceived naturally as we were. She explained that although rare, it can happen for people with my diagnosis. In our case, luck was on our side that night, and we should consider ourselves fortunate it happened naturally. She also said we should get a lottery ticket on our way home. She was the only one laughing at her joke because it’s still hard to wrap our minds around the fact that a baby is coming, and yet we are no longer together.

Lost in thought, a knock sounds on Clay’s front door, and we quickly fold up the ultrasound photos and tuck them into my purse for the time being. We invited River and Kennedy over prior to the appointment in the hope of letting them know about the pregnancy.

Clay was right about Rios. If he indeed let this slip, River would be none too pleased to find out he was going to be an uncle from someone at the firehouse instead of from his own brother.

Clay hurries to answer the door while I stay seated at the kitchen table. I hear River greet his brother, followed by the sound of paws moving across the wooden floor, quickly finding me at the table.

Lola brings all sixty-plus pounds of her loving self to me and gives my arm a big lick. I can’t help the laugh that escapes, and I scratch the back of her ear.

“Well, hello, sweet girl. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. You’re such a pretty princess.” I greet her, and she leans into my touch.

“Hey, Abby, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Kennedy comes in, bending down to hug me tight. She pulls away and gives me a sly smile.

“Yeah, good to see you, Kennedy,” I say, trying to keep my reason for being here a secret. I really want Clay to do most of the talking.

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