Page 30 of Embers in Our Past

“Well, I won’t pretend that his little habit hasn’t rubbed off on me, even though I barely know him. But I can’t help it, and I couldn’t resist doing the same thing with my guys at the firehouse. Plus, I thought I would win this one,” he says as he walks out of my place.

“Yeah, I get how you get hooked on it.”

“There has to be another show we can pick up next week.” He waves as he presses the button to the elevator.

“You mentioned watchingLove is Blind. Is there something similar to that? I mean, there has to be something else,” I say.

“We’ll think of something. I’ll ask the guys at the station.”

“Have a good shift tomorrow night. I’ll try to think of another show in the meantime as well. Also, consider what I said about Baylee. Don’t leave her hanging.”

With that, I shut the door, walk toward my computer, and hunker down next to the window to soak in the snowfall.

“Yes, Mom, I think a flight to New York for Christmas is best, instead of meeting in California. Plus, it feels like Christmas on the East Coast. It’s eighty degrees on Christmas sometimes in Palos Verdes,” I tell my mother while I’m on a call with her figuring out our plans for the holidays.

We’ve been making plans extremely last minute this time because my sister-in-law was waiting to hear back on possible work commitments that have now become a reality. She cannot leave the city, and we are all coming to her. At first, my parents were hoping I would still fly out to them in California and then see my brother afterward, but I think I have convinced her to head to them so we can meet in one spot.

“Listen, I’ve gotta run. I’m headed into the market to grab some things for dinner. Love you, and please book your tickets because it’s not that far from now. I already got my flight booked earlier.” I hang up quickly as I move through all the people walking down the aisles. It’s a zoo today, probably because I waited way too long to get out of the house, and now it’s rush hour, and people are all out of work and doing exactly what I had intended—prepping their meals for the evening.

The moment I turn down toward the butcher, I see someone who causes me to freeze. I swear all the air is sucked out of me. Damn it. I was not prepared to see Clay right now. I bring my hand to my chest and try to calm myself. I can feel my heart beating erratically.

He turns his head in my direction, and then I realize my panic is for nothing because it’s not Clay, it’s River. Our eyes lock, and what used to be that playful side of my brother-in-law is non-existent when he realizes I’m standing in front of him. I see his jaw tick, much like his brother’s did that day at the bar when I stood next to Malloy.

I decide to be the bigger person and take the few steps to eat the distance between us.

“Hey, River, how are you?” I tuck my hair behind my ears, holding the basket that I have yet to fill with food with the opposite hand.

I can tell River would rather ignore me, but it’s not in his nature. He takes a breath and then decides not to be rude.

“Abby,” he says curtly, and I think he’s going to turn and walk away. I realize I’m nervous because what used to be an easy relationship with someone I considered a brother is now a strained one. I don’t know why I expected us to remain the same because I caused this, but I guess I hoped for better.

“I’m sorry, River,” I decide to say. It might get me nowhere, but it can’t hurt.

River closes his eyes, and I see his shoulders sag a bit.

“Why are you sorry, Abby?” he asks.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I hurt Clay. I know it’s hard to believe, but I did what I thought was best for him. I know it’s difficult to understand, but I honestly thought it was the best thing for everyone involved,” I bite my lower lip, “and I’m starting to learn now that maybe I wasn’t being fair to anyone.”

He stares at me for a few beats. River is identical to his brother. He’s got his brother’s dark-brown hair and hazel eyes, which today are leaning more toward green than brown. They’ve got those broad shoulders and muscles from carrying all that equipment from their jobs. Their smiles show off their dimples and their perfectly white teeth.

They’re both more fit for models and turn more heads than I would like to admit, but I’ve always been more attracted to Clay than River. It’s weird that two people can look like clones of one another, yet I could only be drawn to one of them. My friends thought my attraction could be interchangeable, but that idea always felt weird to me.

My relationship with River always felt more like a brother, and I wish it could have stayed that way. Of course, I understand his anger and resentment at how I acted. I left his best friend. He should be upset. If he weren’t, I think that would be more concerning. But right now, it still stings.

“I appreciate you saying those things. Just out of curiosity, have you said them to Clay? Because as great as it is to know you feel this way, I think it would be better he heard it from you, than to hear it from me,” he says. I know they share everything, and I know he could go straight to him and repeat what I just said. I don’t expect him to. I didn’t say those things so that he would be my messenger. That was just for him.

“I didn’t tell you that so you could give him the message. I wanted to apologize to you. I don’t expect us to go back to the way things were. But I wanted you to know I am sorry. And I do miss you as my brother.”

“I miss you too,” he tells me. “And for what it’s worth, I know he misses you still. It’s not too late. But what you did with Malloy was low.”

“I swear it wasn’t a real date. It was—” He stops me.

“Yeah, I heard. I still had to say it. It was fucked up on multiple levels. But showing up was still something you chose to do, and I think you should know I was not okay with it. Things could have gotten out of hand. Clay was really pissed. And I know how that night ended.” He gives me a Cheshire cat look, and my cheeks flush.

“Yeah, well, we’re not talking about that.” I look away.

“Listen, I’m glad you’re okay after everything you two went through. You have to understand my loyalty is always with my brother, Abby. If you need anything, I’m here. You know that, right?”

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