Page 37 of Embers in Our Past

“Did you do it?” Marissa asks.

“Yeah,” I respond.

“How do you feel?”

“All the emotions.”

“Tell me what’s your biggest fear.”

“That I’ll crumble,” I admit.

“Then I’ll pick you up.” And that right there is the sole reason she’s my best friend.

“Distract me, please,” I tell her because my heart is racing, and I fear it might leap out of my chest.

“I think Josie might be the one, and I might puke just putting that out in the universe,” she says.

“That’s amazing, Marissa. That’s a huge step.”

“It is. It’s also making me feel like an adult of all things.” And that makes me laugh.

“You’re an attorney. You’ve been an adult for a while.”

“Yeah, well, I think being an attorney always felt like the one thing I’d succeed in, but a relationship never felt manageable for me. Apparently, this is my uphill battle. And it’s working, and I feel like a real adult,” she says, and my heart soars for her.

“I’m happy for you. I really am.”

“Thanks. I’m happy for me too. I’m also quite scared.” She chuckles, and I can sense her nerves. It’s weird to hear her nervous in any way because Marissa exudes confidence in every aspect of her life. I guess this is the one thing she needs to put a little more effort into.

“Is the time up yet?” she asks, and I look at my watch.

“No, but with these, sometimes it will show a faint line. I can just look. Let me grab it,” I say and move to the right to grab the test.

I had put it face down when I brought it to the counter. I am still not ready to shatter the little bit of a dream I am holding onto, so I drag the test down the counter without flipping it over. It’s ridiculous to think I am back here, hoping I’m pregnant with such slim chances yet again, but here we are.

I close my eyes and throw my head back. I keep telling myself I’ve made peace with it. It’s a lie. I know that single line will simply shatter my soul, but like Marissa said, she’ll pick me up. I’ve seen that single line so many times and survived that outcome each time before. Today is no different. I’m ready.

I put my head back down and flip the test over, and I stare at it. I bring the test closer and blink a few more times. I drop the test and go searching for the box. This must be an ovulation test. I think Rios bought the wrong one. Fucking men.

I find the container and check it. Nope. It says pregnancy on it. Maybe it’s expired.

I flip it around, and it isn’t expired either. What the actual fuck is happening?

“What the hell, Abby? Can you talk to me? Did I lose you? Are you still with me? The suspense! Girl!” she yells.

I can’t find my voice. I’m speechless. This isn’t happening. All those years. All those failed attempts. And now I’m staring at a test, and it’s not one line. It’s two lines.

Two. Dark. Fucking. Lines.

CHAPTER 13

Clay

I’m shakingmy head at the thought of the date I just went through and the way my mind wanders to the one question that keeps coming back to me: is this how it’s going to be now?

How did I go from being married roughly a year ago to going on dates with a dog food tester? I mean, where the fuck do I make a U-turn and go back to what my life was?

The thing is, now that I’ve had some perspective, I realize what Abby and I had wasn’t at all in a good place at the end of our marriage. We had become shells of ourselves because life has an ugly way of showing how difficult it can get. And it was hard for us those last few years.

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