Page 19 of Embers in Our Past

“You’re sounding like those Nichols brothers, from what Rios tells me.”

“You’re not wrong.” I laugh to myself, feeling that familiar little ache in my chest when I think about all the little things I miss about my ex and his family.

“Listen, there’s one last part of this whole date Rios had planned that you may not like though.” He looks uncomfortable again.

I can’t help the uptick in my heart rate. The hot dog I just ate threatens to come back up.

“Oh gosh, I’m scared to ask what you mean by that statement.” I look at him cautiously.

“Rios just texted that he and some of his crew are at the bar waiting for us to show up. He had this plan that we’d stop by so that Clay would see us. I know, it’s a dick move. But it was how we’d get Clay jealous.” Malloy hangs his head. “I know it’s a horrible plan. I can feel it in my bones. But at the same time, I think Rios means well by wanting to see you two back together. From what he tells me, you two were really great together, if that’s any consolation.” He winces, and it does little to make me feel better.

“Um…” It’s hard to feel relief at Rios cheering my ex and me on like that. I mean, Clay and I were the “it” couple for so long, but now we aren’t, so it’s not something I’m running toward anymore.

“So, you’re inviting me to walk into a room full of Clay and his firefighting buddies?”

As much as that rattles my nerves, a part of me wonders if he’d still be jealous to see me with another man. I know the last time we spoke, he hung up on me. He was so angry that he might be done with me after that last call. Maybe he started dating since then. It’s so hard to tell. A part of me is scared he’s given up on us, which is incredibly stupid because I literally left him so he could move on. Why are emotions so confusing like this?

I must be a masochist and need to feel the pain of my own actions. Walking into that bar is selfish and incredibly wrong. Then why am I considering it? My new therapist will have something to say about it at our next session on Tuesday.

Malloy looks over at me, and I think pity is all I see reflected in his expression.

“I completely get it if you don’t want to go. I can tell Rios you’re not feeling good, and we can go somewhere else. He’d never know. You know what, why don’t we do that, and I’ll take you somewhere else. This was a bad idea. We can find another spot.” He’s getting up and picking up his trash. I quickly cover his hand to grab his attention.

“You know what? It’s okay. We can go there. I mean, I’m bound to run into Clay sooner or later, right? I mean, we’re friends, right?”

I see Malloy’s shoulders relax. “We don’t have to do this. Rios is a shit for coming up with it, and I’m a dick for even bringing it up to you. The more we’re getting to know each other, I’m feeling oddly protective over you already, Abs.” He throws his arm around me, more like a big brother being protective than in a romantic gesture.

I shake my head. “No, really, it’s fine. We can go.”

“Are you sure? I mean, this could go horribly wrong. The more I think about it, this is probably a clusterfuck of a situation. But if you do want to go, I’ll protect you against all the firefighters.” He throws another smile that I bet melts all the hearts in Boston.

I can’t help but love the feeling of Tucker Malloy protecting me with his arm around me, and in no way do I feel the flutters of my heart like I do when I think of Clay’s arm around me.

“I haven’t seen my ex-husband since I was last in Boston, so I really have no clue how things will go. I will apologize in advance for whatever is said,” I say, grimacing at the thought.

“Ha, that’s fine. What’s the point of having all these muscles if I can’t keep my date out of trouble anyway.” He winks my way. “Plus, it gives me an excuse to let out some aggression. Hell, I’m frustrated anyway over Baylee, so I wouldn’t mind focusing on something else for a little while.” We begin walking toward his parked truck.

“Please don’t hit Clay.” My eyes bug out of my head for fear a fight will break out the minute these two are in the same room. I can already feel my heart rate doubling.

“I get that Clay may have a bad impression of me, and maybe I haven’t been on my best behavior around him and his friends, but I’m really not that guy. I swear. I’m a big teddy bear, I promise. I love hard, including my friends, Abby.” He pulls me close, and he’s right—he does feel like a teddy bear.

It’s a short drive toJenson’s—a local spot owned by Tommy, a retired firefighter from Clay’s station. I used to come down here back when we were married.

The moment I walk into the place, I feel Clay before I see him. Making my way inside, I can see he’s with River and a few of their fellow brothers at a table on the other side of the bar.

I see eyes on me, and my stomach drops when I am recognized. I walk a few steps in and take a look around. I scan the place, and that’s when Clay’s eyes lock with mine.

He was mid-sentence with his twin, River, when he stopped talking and now sits there like a statue staring at me. His face turns to stone as he takes me in. I assume, at first, he thinks he’s imagining me, like I’m a figment of his imagination. Malloy bends down and whispers something in my ear. Honestly, I have no clue what he says because I am solely focused on the man I once called my husband.

All I see is Clay, much like when we were together. I can see the second he registers the proximity between me and Malloy, presuming that we are "together" as his body hardens.

Rios says something to the table, and Clay stands. River has to hold his brother back. I realize what a huge mistake this was, and I wish I had thought this through because from the anger I see in my ex-husband’s expression, nothing good is going to come from this encounter.

I should have known this would implode if he was here, but I guess I was naive to think we could be civil in a public setting. I don’t know why I assumed such a thing because I was an idiot not to even warn him I returned to Boston in the first place. I’ve been an idiot about a lot of things lately.

I see something move through River’s expression, and I feel the guilt even more. I always loved the dynamic between the brothers. They loved me so much. Even though they are identical, I fell in love with Clay, whereas with River it felt like I gained a brother of my own. He was truly a protector, and he was someone I leaned on in so many ways.

I know Clay confided in him after we divorced and told him how we struggled to conceive, and I know he was heartbroken to hear how things crumbled between us. But seeing the devastation on his face now, what I’m doing here with another man, a firefighter nonetheless, is breaking his heart just as it is his twin. I wish they understood this is not at all as it seems.

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