Page 53 of Ryder

I would give them my answer after graduation.It bought me two days.That was as much as I could hope for.I had gotten the apartment back and there was a small nest egg of money our parents had left, but I wanted to live off my own earnings.I needed to get a job.I could downsize the apartment and find somewhere smaller.

Thankfully, I’d written my speech a long time ago, so it was all ready for this afternoon.Certainly, I was in no frame of mind to formulate one now.I needed to knock myself out of this melancholic state.Sloane had a new life now, which didn’t easily include me.She was having a baby.How would I be there for her?Once a week when they opened up to visitors?I didn’t want to be apart from her, but my turmoil wasn’t only about Sloane.It was about Ryder and our three wild days of passion.

I kept telling myself that a relationship needed a hell of a lot more than that.Was it stupid that I felt a connection to him?It sounded so fanciful to be convincing myself that he was the one, that I was falling for him when I barely knew him, yet I liked what I saw and wished to learn more about this complex man.

Then I reminded myself that he owned a bar in Desparion, and what the heck would I do?I had a mind with wants and needs that went beyond tussling in the sheets.

I tossed the cloth I’d been using to wipe the kitchen down before switching the dishwasher on.

It was odd not having Sloane here.No one was checking up on me to see if I’d replied to this email or completed that.

The world didn’t offer up what you desired ever, as far as I could see.Instead, it gave you some strange, twisted version that wasn’t quite in line with your expectations, and at others, a wild deviation.

Finished with my tidying, I showered and got changed into a classic black dress.People went to graduation ceremonies in all kinds of things, but Sloane would have expected me to wear something like this.

Today, I wore it gladly without a thought of complaint.

Opening my jewelry box, I took out the pearl choker that had belonged to my mother, along with the matching earrings and bracelet.Putting them on felt symbolic, like I was casting off the wild events beyond the chain-link fence and returning to the sensible beta state, one carefully placed piece of jewelry at a time.

Picking up my small purse, I slipped my cell phone inside.My makeup was light with a dash of cherry red lipstick.

My cell rang.

“We’re outside,” Jewels said.“Are you ready?Or do you want us to come up?”

“I’m ready.See you in a few.”Slipping my cell back in my purse, I checked myself in the mirror, thinking Sloane would be proud of me.Scratch that, I knew she would be.

I was going to give myself today and tomorrow to work out what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

As I exited the apartment, I found Jude waiting in a smart suit, leaning against the side of a sleek BMW.Derick had let him loose in his baby, it seemed.

“Look at you!”I said, smiling.

“How are you feeling, love?”he asked.

“I’m good,” I replied, plastering on a bright smile.“I really am.”

“Okay, lots of photos.You wouldn’t believe the list of instructions Sloane sent me.”

I burst out laughing.Yep, that would be Sloane.

“I’m armed and ready to accept the challenge.”Jude waggled his eyebrows at me and swung the door wide open, then I graciously climbed in.

* * *

The graduation was everything I’d expected it to be—noisy, crowded, and full of happy faces.We met up with the rest of my design class, and Jude took lots of photos.I chatted to Sloane on the video, Jace hovering in the distance.I admit, I’d been distracted, wondering if Ryder was also there.

But why would he?I’d walked out without giving him any indication I was interested in more.

And neither had he.

A sharp shot of jealousy hit me right in the center of the chest.He marked the omegas who lived with them to keep them safe.I couldn’t stand the thought of him with an omega.Was he with one now, comparing her to me?They would be able to take his knot.They wouldn’t wince if he went a little too deep.It would drive them delirious with pleasure and make them beg him for more.

I couldn’t change what I was, so it was for the best that we’d cut things off.Tomorrow, I’d accept that job offer, sell the apartment, and find a smaller one-bedroom.I could pack up Sloane’s stuff and work out how the heck to courier it into Desparion.I was sure there were ways.People must take goods in and out.Such logistical nuances served me poorly as a distraction from the great hole a man I barely knew had left in my life.

My call to collect the diploma interrupted my musings.

As I stood on the stage erected on the campus playing fields, the words I’d practiced flowed, only they felt like they didn’t fit me anymore.All my future plans were cast into turmoil by the events that had followed my sister’s reveal as an omega.

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