Page 93 of Until I Break

“Two moms are different than six stepdads and two stepmoms,” I point out.

“Christmas will be… lively,” he says sweetly.

“I struggle with telling people I love them,” I say. “I’ve only ever said it to Oscar.”

“I know,” he says. “They know you love them. You don’t have to say it for them to know.”

“I do love them… and you… I think. I’ve always loved Oscar, but you guys… each of you feel like a piece of my soul that Dad stole from me when I was little.”

“One day at a time, my dear,” he tells me.

“Well… Today my belly hurts,” I say, and everyone laughs. I lay my head on his chest and melt when he hugs me.

Twenty Nine

Eliza

Three Months Later

It’s been three monthssince Jasper fucked Cassidy into unconsciousness and two and a half months since he, Kimmy, and Gina moved in. I was afraid we wouldn’t have enough room, but we have plenty. We put their king bed next to our giant bed, and now we have one massive bed that spans one entire wall of our room. The first night they were settled in was chaos. Julian, Calder, Ryan, Oscar, Gunner, and Collin took turns fucking Kimmy and Gina while Jasper took turns fucking Cassidy and me. By the end of it all, we were all exhausted.

Last week Jasper told us that he was quitting both the police department and the FBI. He wanted to stay close to us, and going to the FBI would mean having to be away. Instead, he is opening a private investigation office. He could retire, which I took great pleasure in teasing him about, but he’d go insane if he wasn’t working. He is still working with the FBI, but everything is run through Carrie now, but he has no jurisdiction to make arrests or interrogate. He is dependent on what Carrie tells him. She said that as long as he can remain objective, she will keep him informed.

Tonight, we are going to try to have a date night. How eleven people are going to manage this smoothly when breakfast is chaotic enough at home, who knows? I get downstairs, and Julian is sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. “Hey,” he says.

“Where is everyone?” I ask.

“Outside waiting on you,” he laughs. “Ready?”

“I am. Sorry I took so long,” I say. “I wasn’t feeling anything in the closet.”

“Well, what you chose is beautiful,” he says as he pockets his phone and stands. I am wearing a simple black dress with black flats. I feel horribly bloated today, so I chose something that wasn’t tight. What no one knows is that I am avoiding opening an email from the doctor’s office, and whatever is in that email is going to answer why I am bloated. I am terrified that it will blow up everything we have worked for. God forbid Jason find out…

“You there?” Julian asks, cupping my face.

“Yeah,” I whisper. “I’m just not in a good headspace today.”

“Anything I can do?”

“Not really. I will sort it out in my head eventually,” I tell him with a forced smile.

“I don’t believe you, but I won’t push,” he says. “Let’s go to dinner. I think everyone wants to go for a walk downtown. Maybe you and I can break off and talk.”

“By talk, I hope you mean fuck me in an alleyway somewhere,” I say bluntly, and he laughs.

“Yeah, I suppose that is what I mean,” he laughs.

When we walk outside, everyone gets into the SUVs. Julian has me sit with him in the back as Calder drives with Ryan in the passenger seat and Gunner beside me. I am leaning over Julian, and he wraps his arm around my waist to pull me closer. As we are driving, I pull my phone out and go to my email. I just stare at it, wanting to open it but too afraid.

“Ignoring it won’t change the results,” Julian whispers in my ear. I look up at him and he smiles.

“You…” I start to say but he stops me and whispers in my ear.

“You have my phone number listed still as a primary contact. They called and left a voicemail today thinking it was your phone,” he says quietly. “I know you aren’t ready to face it, so don’t feel pressured to tell anyone yet.”

“Thank you,” I say softly.

“You two shit talking?” Gunner asks, looking up from his phone.

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