Page 46 of Until I Break

“We did,” I say as tears roll down my cheeks. “Rest, Kitten. I’ve got you.”

“I wanted to die,” she admits. “I was going to step off. That’s what he wanted…”

“But you didn’t let him win. You are alive, baby. You survived.”

“I’m tired of just surviving,” she admits, closing her eyes.

I understand that more than she knows. I may not understand fully what she is feeling, but I understand her desire to die. I don’t care what I have to do, but she will do more than survive going forward. She will thrive and live. He will never hurt her again, even if it costs me my life.

Twenty

Eliza

It’s been five days,and I’m finally able to go home. I received hundreds of stitches and an endless amount of glue to close my wounds. I had a tear in my rectum that luckily didn’t require anything other than time. I was given stool softener, so I am a bit more comfortable, but it will heal on its own. I was also given strict bedrest instructions, but I’m required to move around still. I can’t just lay in bed all day, and I don’t want to. I spent every second of my time in the hospital not speaking or looking at anyone. I was just there.

They were reluctant to tell me that he is still out there somewhere, but ultimately Jasper was the one that explained that he was wanted in connection with nearly thirty rapes, ten murders, and a string of aliases. They aren’t even sure that Troy is his actual name, nor did they know where he went. His clothes are gone from his house, and his car was found abandonedsixteen hours away. He is on the run and likely under the assumption that I am dead. Obviously, I am not, but it’s taking me this long to stop wishing I was. I am pretty sure I was also on suicide watch because they had a psychiatrist coming to talk to me. Eventually, I spoke to her and told her that it’s not that I wanted to die, but I have just grown so sick and tired of being hurt by him. I’m tired of surviving just to be hurt again and again. I explained that I will always worry about when he will hurt me again so long as he is alive, but I can find solace in the fact that he is far away. Now that the FBI is involved and he is plastered all over the news in every state, he would not risk coming back here. He might be stupid, but he is not ignorant.

I am lying in bed with Julian, Calder, and Ryan cleaning my wounds and changing the bandages. I have my head laid on my arms, and even though I’m in a better place, I still haven’t said much. They are talking and carrying on as normal, and I appreciate it more than I will ever be able to explain.

“Can we ask you something?” Julian asks.

“Not like I can say no and walk away,” I say flatly.

“True. You’re kinda stuck with us,” Ryan says.

“What’s up?” I ask with a sigh. They all help me get up from the bed so I can stand. I haven’t moved much today, and I need to.

“What can we do to make you feel safer?”

“I don’t want to uproot your lives,” I say.

“That’s not what I asked. What will make you feel safe?” Julian asks. “A guard dog?”

“A dog?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Erica’s mom trains Rottweilers for personal protection. She has a brother and sister right now. They are fixed and fully trained.”

“Troy hates dogs,” I say.

“Even better,” he says. “I’m asking if you want to move, but really, I should just tell you that we are moving.”

“Where?” I ask.

“Across town. It’s a bigger house on about fifty acres,” Ryan says.

“It’s nice. The property is surrounded by a ten-foot wall,” Calder tells me. “The front gate is heavy-duty, and the security system will keep just about anyone out.”

“That’s a lot of money,” I say.

“We have the money,” Julian says. “The property is purchased, and wearemoving in tomorrow.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Because you deserve a fresh start somewhere you feel safe. The house will have a fully functioning office for us, so you don’t have to leave the property unless you want to. I know you are itching to work since I saw you looking for your laptop yesterday.”

“I was trying to be discreet,” I admit with a small smile.

“I know you find solace in your work, so we won’t stop you, but we are moving. Today the movers are coming, and everything will be taken to the new house. The last of everything will go tomorrow.”

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