Page 31 of Second Sin

It finds me in texts like this. In names I haven’t spoken out loud in years.

In the ache of wanting something again—when I promised myself I never would.

CHAPTER 12

OLIVIA

Ialmost don’t go in.

The door’s half-open, the street behind me louder than it should be, and there’s this weight sitting in my chest that makes it hard to breathe. My legs move anyway.

Matt’s already here. Two coffees on the table.Same easy smile. And for a second, it’s like no time has passed at all. Like I’m still the same person I was before everything cracked open.

I’m not.

That version of me didn’t survive the grief. This one’s still learning how to live again.

"Liv," he says, standing to hug me.

“Hey, Matt.”

His arms are solid around me, familiar in a way that tugs something loose in my chest.

We sit, and the conversation picks up easily. Stories. Deployment. Ethan’s god-awful singing. His even worse cooking. We laugh more than I expect.

Then the mood shifts.

“He loved you so much,” Matt says, his voice quieter now, fingers curled around his coffee mug. “We all saw it.”

“I know.” And I did. But love didn’t save him. It didn’t stop what happened.

We talk about the last few months of Ethan’s life. How fast the condition progressed. The weight of caregiving. The nights I held him when he couldn’t speak anymore. The guilt of resenting it. The deeper guilt of missing being touched, seen. Wanting something more than grief.

“It’s okay to move on,” Matt says softly. “Doesn't mean you stopped loving him.”

I nod, but my throat is too tight to answer.

My mind drifts unwillingly to Sebastian.And like he’s been conjured by my very thoughts, he walks through the café door like a storm front, eyes sweeping the space before landing on me. And narrowing.

I give a small wave. He doesn’t return it.

His gaze drifts to Matt, and his lips twitch slightly, almost like a snarl, before he turns and walks towards the counter.

I exhale slowly, but Matt doesn’t seem to notice the shift in my posture or the tension climbing my spine. He just talks about how cool it is that I'm working with the Annihilators.

"I can get you tickets," I offer, redirecting my attention to him.

"Was hoping you'd offer." Matt grins. "But only if Kane Madden’s playing. If I came all this way, I want to see some blood on the ice."

I laugh, shaking my head. "You’re terrible."

"Just honest. The guy’s a legend." He leans back, stretching, continuing to talk about the players and the team, but his words barely register.

I keep my eyes on Matt. But IfeelSebastian. Every shift in the air when he breathes.And out of the corner of my eye, I catch him—leaning against the wall. Arms crossed. Staring straight ahead.

When he crouches down to sign a kid’s jersey, and gives him one of those rare smiles, it hits like a sucker punch.

"You okay?" Matt asks. "You seem a little... distracted."

---