Dusky sits nextto me on the porch swing. I’ve been out here the last hour, watching as their rental SUVs are loaded up with all the band’s gear, their instruments, their luggage, until there will be no trace that they were ever here.
Ash is still in jail, but Synn told me his lawyer is handling it. He also told me to stay away. That there’re reporters everywhere. And the media would eat me alive if they saw me.
I rub my arms and watch Saint let Cadence take his hands then climb up his body, before doing a backflip. She laughs and demands to do it again.
Normally it would make my heart swell, but right now there’s a heaviness pressing down on me.
“Mommy, Mommy, watch,” Cadence yells, before climbing up Saint again and doing another backflip.
She’s soaking up every last minute with the guys and I don’t blame her. It’s going to be so strange, feel so empty with them gone.
I force a smile when she looks back at me, but I can’t help the heavy, uneven sigh that escapes my lips.
“Ye doing alright?” Dusky asks.
“Not really,” I admit.
“After what that bastard did, I don’t think any judge will ever give him custody.”
“I know.” I blink away tears, grateful for what Ash did.
“But that’s not what’s bothering ye,” Dusky says.
“No.”
He nods, then pulls out his cell, scrolling through it before handing me the phone where a music app is pulled up. “Press play,” he says.
“What is it?” I ask him, taking it and frowning.
“A song, lass.”
“Is it one of your new ones?”
“Aye.” He lets out a long breath. “I wish we didn’t have to pack up and go so soon. This last month has been amazing, for all of us, in different ways. It made merealize I miss my nephews and nieces, my home. It’s been a long time since I’ve been back and maybe Facetime isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“You could get one of your tour dates set in Ireland?”
“Maybe. But being on the road for a tour isn’t fun and games. It’s long flights, endless days. It’s hard. I think what I really need is to go home for a bit once things cool down. I don’t want to wake up one day with regrets, ye know?”
“I do.” I swallow, because my past, my regrets have practically swallowed me whole these past six years, they kept me hostage. Ashamed. I didn’t know how to move on because I felt trapped, like I’d always be the girl I was before I had my daughter.
But I don’t think that’s true anymore. My beliefs about myself have changed since meeting Ash. He didn’t define me because of my past, and in the same way, I didn’t define him by his.
And yet, we couldn’t make it work.
God, I wanted Ash to turn to me and say, I have to go to L.A., but I will be back. Back for you. I wanted him to look into my eyes, feel the burning desire, the heat, the passion and say,Ember, I choose you.
I’m holding out hope that maybe, just maybe, he still will.
And maybe I haven’t learned a thing.
Maybe after all this time, I’m still waiting for the wrong man.
“This song will cheer you up,” Dusky says, patting my knee, then standing. “Trust me.”
“Alright, if you say so.” I press play, and lean back, closing my eyes. The melody is beautiful, it starts out with a piano solo, but then it moves into a bigger piece of music, as the drums and bass are brought in.
And then Ash’s voice.