Page 46 of Second Goal

“I’m not, Kiley.” I cup her face, careful not to touch the bruises. My chest aches for all the things she went through, but I don’t judge. At least not her. I do judge the people who were supposed to protect her and didn’t.

“There were worse things I could have been doing. A lot worse. But I didn’t… maybe if I had...” Kiley presses her palms to her eyes. “I owed Amy everything.”

“You felt responsible for her?”

“Iwasresponsible for her. She protected me. And I... I failed her.”

I don’t argue, because I know if I do, she’ll stop talking, and I need to know the whole story.

“What happened next?”

“Amy met Cruz.”

I inhale a deep breath and wait for her to continue.

“At first he was nice. He and his brother Ezra had a place and they let us crash there. It was only supposed to be temporary, but we had nowhere else to go.” Her eyes lock on mine, and there’s a need there, like she needs me to hear this truth. “I should have known that there was a cost.”

“What kind of cost?”

“Amy started sleeping with Cruz. I don’t know if she really liked him, or she just needed him, but once they started sleeping together...” She looks away. “Ezra... he kept pushing me to do things.”

I can fill in her unspoken words, and more anger rises inside me.

“I wanted to go, but Amy... I couldn’t leave her. And after Lucy was born, it just got worse.”

“How?”

“I didn’t know Amy was using until a few months after we moved in. I should have seen the signs. Gotten her out of there. Gotten us both out of there. But she was terrified someone would take Lucy away if we were back on the streets.” Her voice lowers to a whisper when she says, “I should have made her leave. If I had, maybe...” Her breath hitches.

“What happened to Lucy?” I ask softly.

“She was so tiny. So fragile. But she cried all the time.” She looks at me, blue eyes haunted. “You really want to know me? To see me? To know all the evil things I’ve done?”

I can’t breathe, but I manage to nod.

She moves away slightly, only about an inch, but it feels like she’s put a giant crater between us.

“Amy got really depressed after Lucy was born. There were days when she didn’t get out of bed, and when she did, she’d get high with Cruz. She wanted to be a good mom. I know she did, but right away, Lucy connected to me. She’d only settle if I was holding her. But I think in a way, I used her.”

“How?”

“As a shield. Ezra wouldn’t come near me when I had her. At least not at first.” She blinks up at me. “He threatened to hurt her one night if I didn’t...”

Tears roll down her cheek and I wipe them away with my thumb.

“That was the first time I went to see Kane. I thought that if he could help me, that maybe Amy would come with me.”

God, I remember how she’d looked then. Frail. Eyes too big for her head. She was still practically a child herself.

I take her hand and her fingers tighten around mine. “I’m sorry I didn’t help you then.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not your fault. And it’s not Kane’s. It was my job to protect them. So I went back. I had to try and get them out of there.”

She went back to a place of abuse to try and help her friend.

“I wish you’d told me.”

“I didn’t know you, or Kane. And I know you would have judged me. My brother already did. I saw the way he looked at me, and I knew I’d never be part of your world.”

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