“Maybe.” I take a deep sip of mywine.
“He asked me to take care of you.” Leaning against the counter, he crosses hisarms.
“What?When?”
“The night he died. It’s why I knew something was wrong. Hadn’t spoken to him in a few months. He’d been…” His voice cracks, his eyes goingdistant.
He finishes his glass of wine, then refillsit.
“I’d been busy. Not an excuse. I know that. Not when I knew he needed help. I did try…once. Took him up to Summerville to the rehab clinic. He was clean for a few months. Thought he was gettingbetter…”
I listen to him. His forced confession. Hear the truth in his words. Theguilt.
“You really think he did it on purpose?” I know the answer, but I’ve never wanted to believeit.
I knew it when he’d called me that night. It’s why I’d driven across the city in my pajamas. Praying I was wrong. Hoping I could talk some sense intohim.
“He’s right, Brynne,” Sam had said, his voice void of emotion. “I’mweak.”
“Dad’s an asshole. He doesn’t know you. Not like I do. You’re stronger than whatever you’re dealingwith.”
“Love you,dork.”
Those were his last words before he’d hungup.
“I just can’t believe he’d be that selfish,” I say now, running my finger across the condensation on myglass.
“He was struggling with a lot. It wasn’t just thedrugs.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What else wasthere?”
He exhalesheavily.
“Kane?”
“Does itmatter?”
“Yes.”
“It doesn’t change anything. He’sgone.”
“And I want to know why. If youknow-”
“What? You think it’ll make you feel better knowing hissecrets?”
“Maybe.”
“Itwon’t.”
I push off the stool, causing it to screech across the marble floor. “Maybe it’s your secrets you don’t want me to find outabout.”
“Right.” He chuckles again, but this time there’s no humor in it, just bitterness. “Because it’s always my fault. FYI, Brynne. I didn’t force him to take drugs. I didn’t do half the shit you keep telling yourself I did. But you know what I did do? I watched as my best friend slowly, painfully rotted away in front of my eyes because he was too damn afraid to get help. Too afraid to look weak inyoureyes.”
His words slice straight to my heart. Because as harsh as they are, I know there’s a sliver of truth tothem.
“Fuck.” Kane rakes his fingers over his face, then leans with his palms on the counter, back slouched forward in defeat. “I shouldn’t have saidthat.”
I sit back down on the stool, my body trembling. “Did he say that toyou?”