Page 58 of Second Draft

“But…” She blinks hard, her mouth tightening in a thin line, and shakes her head. “You were so angry.”

“Not at you, sweetheart.” I press my lips against her forehead, and rest there for a few minutes, trying to regain my composure. “He had no right to speak to you the way he did.No oneever has that right.”

Her small hands are balled into fists on my chest. She shakes her head, and I can feel all the emotions she’s trying so desperately to hold in oozing to the surface.

“Come here.” I move the suitcase, placing it on the floor, then sit down on the bed and hold my hand out for her.

She just stares at it for a long moment, before gradually moving towards me, eyes downcast. When she sits, it’s on the edge of the bed, far enough away from me that we’re not touching.

“I’m sorry I pushed you to go today.”

“You didn’t know.” Her fingers pick at an invisible thread on her pants.

“Do you want to tell me now?”

Her eyes close and she sighs heavily. For a long time she doesn’t say anything, and the silence is painful as I watch all sorts of tortured emotions cross her beautiful face.

Finally, her mouth opens and she says quietly, “I was fourteen when I started…seeing James.”

I try my best not to react, but I see her wince when my breath comes out a little too heavy.

“I’d always been taught that it was a sin to be with anyone before marriage. And I believed it.” Her voice is monotonous, her gaze staring blankly at a spot on the wall as she says the words like she’s telling someone else’s story, with a sort of detachment. “I didn’t rebel. I was a good daughter.” Her mouth curls slightly in a cynical smile. “Did my chores, got good grades, never talked back to my parents. Did all the things I was supposed to do.”

There’s more silence, and I can feel her shutting down.

“How did you meet him?” I ask, hoping to keep her talking.

“James?” She shakes her head and laughs darkly. “Church if you can believe it. He was the leader of the Youth Group I was involved with.” She closes her eyes again. “We were friends. Or I thought we were. I’d always had a huge crush on him. All the girls did. He was part of the worship team. Kind of a rock star in the community. And being older, I kind of idolized him.”

“How much older?” My stomach constricts, already knowing I’m not going to like her answer.

“Twenty-four.”

“Shit.” I drag my fingers through my hair, fresh anger burning in my chest. “And you were fourteen.”

She nods, brows pressed tightly together.

I have to ask the question eating away. “Did he force you?”

“No.” Her expression is hard now, almost numb. “I knew what I was doing.”

“At fourteen, I doubt it.”

She shrugs. “I was old enough to know better, but too young to know how to really protect myself.”

“And…” I grind my back teeth together. “He didn’t use anything?”

“I know it sounds stupid, but I don’t know. It only happened a few times. After that he started acting weird around me. I think he knew it was wrong.”

“Of course he fucking knew it was wrong, he was a grown man and you were a child.”

She pulls into herself and I immediately regret losing my temper.

“You’re right,” she says quietly. “But no one else saw it that way. Especially not my parents. And when they found out that I was…”

God the pain in her eyes is gutting me.

“You were pregnant?” I know it’s what she wants to tell me, what I already know. But I can see how painful it is for her to say the word, so I offer it for her.

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