Page 8 of Dex

“Hey, handsome. What’s your name?”

“None of your business.” I pull my arm out of her grasp and walk out of the studio. No other woman will ever meet up to Addy. I just need to convince her that I want her. I walk over to the bench on the other side of the road and watch as three boys play in the small patch of grass. They are playing rugby, running with the ball and tackling each other. I remember me, Jay and Liam playing rugby and football when we were younger. BH is a great place to bring up kids, I could see my kids running around causing havoc like me and Jay did. Little Addison’s running around beating the boys up. I chuckle to myself and look down at the phone in my hand. I am getting way ahead of myself now. Fuck, she won’t even speak to me, let alone let me near her enough to get my kid in her belly. I open the phone and look for her in the contacts and without hesitation, I click on her name. My breath gets stuck in my lungs as I wait for her to answer. She answers after four rings.

“Hey, Jay,” her sweet voice comes through the phone.

“It’s not Jay,” I say, praying like fuck that she doesn’t hang up.

“Dex,” she whispers my name, but she also hasn’t hung up on me. Score.

“Hey, babe. How are you?”

“I’m okay. You?”

“I’m okay, too. So what have you been up to?” I ask.

“What do you want, Dex?” She sounds reserved, which is not my Ads at all, but I have made her this way.

“I wanted to talk to you. I am not going to pressure you into coming home. I get it, you need time away from me. I hurt you pretty bad, huh?” Silence greets me. I hold my breath again and wait for her to answer me. I am sticking to what I said; I am not forcing her to do shit all anymore. This will be on her time.

“Okay.”

“Yeah? So how have you been?” I eagerly ask her. I sit on the bench crossing my ankles.

“I have been good. Work is work. There are only so many whiny bitches who want their ears pierced. Then the hard man who wants a Prince Albert but then chickens out when they see the needle.” There is my Ads. But I am fucked off that she is seeing other men’s dicks.

I know, I know it is her job but who gives a fuck. It should be only my dick she sees.

“Yeah, Jay did say you were a traitor for working in a new studio. Are they treating you okay?”

She chuckles and answers me, “Yeah, I’m in a new studio, but it is only part-time because…” She stops and my Spidey senses kick in.

“Because?” I ask.

“Nothing. They are treating me good. Mike is amazing, so is his wife Wendy. They have like six kids, mostly around my age. How have you been?” I love that even with all the shit that has happened, we slip into our so-called easy friendship. But it isn’t a friendship I want with this girl. I want it all. But the words don’t come easily to tell her that.

“That’s good, babe. I’m glad that you have them there. I wish it was me.”

“Don’t, Dex.” Shit.

“I’m sorry. I said I wouldn’t do anything to pressure you and I’m not. I just really want us to try and get past this. So much has happened and we need to overcome it, Ads.”

“Get over it? Are you serious? Dex, way too much has happened, things you don't even know.” She abruptly stops talking.

“Like what? You have to talk to me, Addy. You can’t keep cutting me out. Are you that okay with not having me in your life anymore? Well, I can fucking tell you, I’m not. I hate that you are not here with us. With me.” I take a deep breath. “Ads?”

“Dex, I don’t know what you want from me. You can’t be with me. You told me that I will never have your heart because it belongs to Fiona. I can’t fucking compete with a ghost for fucks sake. I can’t.” She whispers the last words.

“Baby. Listen to me. I-” The words get stuck in my throat again. Fuck. After a beat, she speaks.

“See. I can’t compete. You're not ready for what's next, Dex. Sorry.” I can hear the tears in her voice as she hangs up on me. I bury my hands in my hair and grip it. I fucked up again.

Why the fuck couldn’t I just say the fucking words?

I am a total twat. Just like my mug says.

Will I always screw up with the women in my life? I failed Fiona and now I am failing Addy. I couldn’t save Fiona the night of the crash. No matter how many times they told me there was nothing I could do, I didn't believe them. I am now failing Addy by hurting her every time we talk. I am what’s keeping her away from her friends; from Jay and Liam.

I stay unfocused for fuck knows how long. It’s Liam who pulls me from my dark thoughts of Fiona and Addy.

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