Page 7 of Dex

My head has beenin an ‘Addy fog’ since I spoke to her on the phone. Jay is still refusing to tell me where she is. I have been on edge and feel like I will explode. I have been snapping at friends- and even clients- which is not fucking good at all. But fuck it. I want her back here where I can see that she is safe. I have to see her. Jay keeps telling me that she is fine. She is in a good place and that she will come back when she is ready. But they don’t fucking understand that I need her to be ready now. I am a selfish bastard, it is something that Fiona always used to throw at me before she died. I stomp into Castle Ink and ignore the two lads sitting on the leather chairs waiting for fuck knows what.

I need coffee or brandy. Fuck no! I shake my head at the thought of wanting to drink again. I can’t do it. Not again. Jay and Liam would kick my arse. I stomp over to the coffee machine and hit the button. Jay and Luke have been here for a few hours with clients being booked in early. I open the cupboard and take my favourite mug out and wait for the coffee to brew. It is the mug that Addy had made for us one Christmas. It says ‘Captain Twat’ on it. I chuckle when I look at it. But also, my chest aches. My feelings are bittersweet when I think of Addy; because I want to love her, but I think of my love for Fiona as well. I know that she is gone but she will always be with me.

“Hey, Dex.” A sweet voice comes from behind me. I turn to see Penny standing there, fucking glowing with her pregnancy. Liam is one lucky bastard for catching her; they are the perfect little family. The family I wanted with Fiona. I love kids and we had wanted a house-full.

“Sit,” I tell her and pull out a chair. She smiles and takes the seat. “Do you want a drink or anything?” I ask.

“A water would be great, thank you.” I nod and open the fridge door and get her drink. I walk over to the table and take the seat opposite her.

“So, what’s up? Have you figured out that I am sexier than Liam and you want to be with me instead?” I wink at her, making her laugh.

“You wish, Dexter Castle.” She winks back. She is such an awesome woman.

“Okay, so what’s up?”

“I just wanted to check in on you. See how you are doing,” she tells me, with no pity on her face. Can I tell Penny everything? Maybe she can help me sort through my shit.

“I miss her,” I start.

“I know. We all do. So what are you going to do?” Damn this woman is straight to the point and takes no shit from us boys.

“I tried talking her into coming home so we could talk. I asked her to meet for coffee but she flat out refused. I have no clue where she is, Pen. I don’t know what else to do except wait until she comes home.Ifshe comes home.” I rest my elbow on the table and bury my head in my hands, taking deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. The thought of Addy never coming home is killing me. My mind is fucked up. One minute I want her to come home and be with me, but then other shit filters through my head, making my feelings get all mixed up like they have been thrown into a food blender.

“She will come home, Dex. She has to. Just give her time. You need to remember that you hurt her pretty bloody bad.”

“Just give it to me straight why don’t you. Pen, she has been gone for months. Fucking months. That is way too long for her to be away from everyone.”

“You, you mean?”

“Yeah. Fuck, what the hell am I doing, Penny? Every time I think of Addy, Fiona pops into my head. And then everything gets messed up. I know I have hurt her in the past and I am scared that I will hurt her again. I can’t keep doing it to her.”

“Dex, can I say something that might piss you off?” I nod my head. Dread filling my empty stomach. “You cannot love a ghost. Fiona isgoneand is never coming back." I go to speak but Penny puts her hand up to stop me. "Don’t say anything, let me finish. I get that you loved her with everything you are, Liam has told me. But what he also told me is that Addison has always loved you and was always there for you. But you brushed aside her feelings for Fiona. Addison is here. Addison is alive. Addison is in love with you. Do not throw that away. Do you honestly think that Fiona would want you to never move on? To never love again? You were both young when everything happened. Bloody hell, Dex, you are thirty years old. You are still young. Get the girl and have a family.” She takes a breath and lays a hand on her tiny bump. “Before someone else does. She is a beautiful, talented young woman, who will be snatched up in no time.” She smiles smugly at me. I know what she is doing, but fuck if it doesn’t make my blood boil at the thought of some prick touching what is mine. Fuck. Is she even mine?

“No fucker is having her but me.” She stands, smiling at me.

“Good. Then get it done.” She leans in and kisses the top of my head. “Bring her home, Dexter.” With that she walks out of the room. Who would have thought that, that little woman would have balls of steel to tell me how it truly is. She is one hundred percent right. But her words made my heart skip so many fucking beats I thought I was going to have a fucking heart attack. It was beating so fast against my chest I was wondering if she could see it. I lean forward and rest my head on the table in front of me and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my over-beating heart.

I meant what I said to Penny. No fucker is having her. It makes my blood boil to think of another touching her, tasting her, having her under them. The feel of Addy’s body pressed against mine is one of the most amazing feelings ever. What I had with Fiona was completely different. She made my body sing, yes, but Addy, fucking hell my body burns with desire. Thinking about her touching me makes my dick jump. It is true that Fi would kick my arse for living like this. She would want me to move on. She adored Addy when she was around. It was my feelings for Ads that had me pulling back. How can a man love two women at the same time? Love? Where the hell did that come from?

I take a deep breath and wait for the guilt to settle in, but it never comes. I wait some more, but nothing. No Fiona flashing in my head, no racing heart. Fucking hell. What the fuck is happening to me? Could it have been Penny’s straight-laced words that sorted my heart out? Well shit. I don’t think she has sorted me out one hundred percent but it is a start. Jumping up I run out front to see my brother. I run to his room but it is empty, fuck. I keep the pace up and see him at the front desk with Luke and some chick I haven’t seen before.

“Jay, I need your phone. Now,” I demand.

“Why?” he asks, looking at me with narrowed eyes. Fuck, he looks like our dad when he does that.

“Because I really need to speak to Addy. Please, Jay. If you do this I will never ask you for anything ever again. I swear it.”

“I don't think it's a good idea, Dex. You can't keep hurting her.”

“You don't think I know that? I need to do this, Jay.” He frowns at me, the indecision clear on his face. I nod my head.

“Why can't you let her be? She seems happy.”

“She didn't sound happy the last time we talked, she sounded sad. Jay, bro, please,” I plead with him. He must see the desperation on my face because he cautiously hands me his iPhone. I let out the breath I was holding. Fucking hell, this isn’t me at all. Acting like a chick and getting all breathy and shit. “Thanks, man. I swear I will be good. I just need to talk to her.” I go to take the phone from him but he doesn’t let it go.

“You make her cry again and I will kick your arse from here to Kingdom Come, do you hear me?” I nod.

“I hear you.” I go to walk away but I feel someone snag my wrist. I look at who has it.

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