Page 49 of At the Edge of Surrender

Little Warrior fighting for what she believed was right.

“So, if there is any kind of compassion inside you? Any goodness at all? Then you forget I came here.”

Swiping the back of her hand under her nose, she turned and left me gaping behind her.

Her words stakes that pierced through me, pinning me to the ground.

She was right.

She was right.

I led no sort of life that would benefit a child.

I was a monster. Prone to brutality. Devolving into it without guilt or a second thought.

And still, as I watched her go, it felt like she was ripping my soul out of me.

ELEVEN

KANE

Five Years Old

A cool breezewhooshed across Kane’s face, and he pumped his feet so hard.

“Higher!” he shouted, and his tummy felt fuzzy and full when he heard his mommy’s tinkling laughter from behind.

“If I push you any higher, you’re going to end up flying all the way into the sky.”

“That’s ’cause I’m an airplane!” He made a jet noise as his mommy gave him another push and sent him sailing right back for the blue, blue sky.

The sun felt warm, and his smile was really big.

“What kind of airplane?” she asked.

“The super-fast jet kind!”

“Wow, are you sure you want to go that fast and high?”

“Well, I can’t let Billy beat me. He’s always racin’ me and trying to win. And you know I gotta get a perfect ten.”

His mommy’s laughter was soft. But he thought everything about her was soft. Her face and her cheeks and the way she whispered when she read him a story at night.

“You’re already my perfect ten.”

Kane felt like his whole body glowed.

“Okay,” she said, “I need to stop being jet fuel and water these plants. We have company coming for dinner.”

“I’ll help!” He dragged the tips of his shoes into the ground as he swung back and forth, slowing himself as his mommy grabbed the chains to slow him down. He hopped off, clapping his hands in the air as he went racing for the hose.

He turned the faucet on high then dragged it to where he knew his mommy loved to work.

The big row of rose bushes that grew up tall along the side wall of their backyard.

The same as his mommy’s name, which was why they were her favorite.

They were so many different colors.

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