Page 27 of At the Edge of Surrender

Bile rushed up my throat.

I could not think of him like that. He’d…been with my sister.

I tried to blink the image away.

I had to focus on what was important.

Maci.

And that kind of lifestyle was not what she needed.

She needed stability.

Consistency.

A family.

She needed to be loved and cherished and adored.

At the T in the road, I made a left at Culberry Street and drove back into the main part of town, making a right on Broadway then a left at 9th.

“There’s a little café I saw last night that I thought you might like,” I forced out, trying to cover the tension that radiated from me. “It has some yummy treats for after lunch.”

I noticed the little sandwich shop while I was wandering last night.

When I felt as if I’d been completely lost.

Searching for something that no longer existed.

Aching in every recess of my being.

It hadn’t been long before I found the vapid sanctuary of the bar and the momentary respite of his touch.

“Yay! You know I really like the treats, Auntie Em!” Maci shouted.

“That’s right, I do,” I whispered as I found an open spot and parallel parked at the curb.

I climbed out and went to Maci’s door and unbuckled her, thenMom and I each took one of her hands and guided her down the sidewalk toward the sandwich shop.

This street had a bit of a different vibe than Culberry. Where Culberry seemed upscale and trendy, this one felt quainter. The shops and cafés cozier, exuding that traditional small-town charm.

The pace of the few people ambling around was slowed, all while my mind raced and spun.

Spun with the implications.

As hard as I tried to squelch them, memories kept coming at me from last night.

Flashes that struck and impaled with each blink of my eyes.

His hands and his mouth and the freedom that I’d found.

The way I’d wanted to fully give for the first time in so many years that I didn’t even remember what it was like to want.

And God, I hadwanted.

And it was him.

Him.

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