Page 194 of At the Edge of Surrender

Emery winced, rigidness lining her spine as she grappled with the shift. I could feel the war go down inside her. Her uncertainty up against the trust that I had gained.

My spirit flailed. Couldn’t stand the thought of sullying or defiling that trust. Couldn’t stand the idea of her fearing me when she’d just learned that there was no safer place for her than in my arms.

Hated that I was keeping things from her when I was asking her to cut herself wide open.

But I couldn’t let her behind the veil of who I was yet.

Not until I knew she would stay. Not until I knew she wouldn’t run. I couldn’t put my crew or her at risk like that.

The situation was already jacked.

But there was no way to imagine her not becoming a permanent part of my life. To me, there was no other solution or conclusion than her being right here.

With me.

With Maci.

Withus.

I could do nothing but curl my arms tighter around her, like locking her against me would bring her to the same resolution.

“It was a long time ago,” she finally whispered into the tension that bound us. Like it was enough of an answer and explained everything.

“Yeah?” I encouraged.

She nodded against my chest, and I caressed my thumb along the small of her back.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

My voice was choppy as I asked, “But you didn’t leave it there, did you? It has chased you? Haunted you?”

Her exhalation was shaky. “It’s always with me. Lurking in every corner of who I am.”

Protectiveness slammed me as fast as a summer storm.

Crushing.

Pervasive.

Compelling me to demand a name. That’s all I needed.

One little name, and I’d do the rest.

But I knew it wasn’t always that simple. Even if I put the monster in the ground, it wouldn’t erase the scars that had already been written on her.

I waited, giving her the time to see that she could tell me anything.

“Emmalee and I were seventeen.” Emery’s voice was sallow, and her sweet hands clung to me as if I could keep her from being sucked back to that time. “We were on a team trip out of state for a cheerleading competition. Our best friend Jana was with us. We were supposed to stay in our rooms, but we snuck out.”

Tears blurred and bleared that fathomless gaze, and I hated the torment that I could see written there.

“I tried to convince them not to go, but Jana and Emmalee were up for a good time. They wanted the thrill of experiencing something scandalous and new. It didn’t take much for them to convince me to go, too. I’d wanted all those experiences, Kane. I wanted them.”

Grief dented deep in her brow, and her voice dropped to a horrified breath. “We were going to have a great time. We’d won the trophy that day, and I felt invincible.”

Agony lashed through her expression, and my arms spasmed with the effort of trying to hold her through it.

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