Page 65 of Love's Free Will

Zay smirked. “Man, listen. You say Nancy’s Pizza, and I’m on the way. Might as well just drop a pin and say pull up hungry.”

We dapped up tight, pulling each other in for a tight hug before I pulled him inside. We went into the kitchen, and I passed him a plate. We started piling our plates with food and then we crashed on the couch, plates in laps, ESPN low in the background.

It was light at first; easy, a couple laughs and some stupid stories. But the weight in the room was heavy. Always lingerin’. I cleared my throat, tapped the ash off my blunt, then looked over at him.

“Aye Zay… I need to say somethin’.”

Zay side-eyed me. “Aight.”

I leaned forward, elbows on my knees. “I was outta pocket, for what I said to you. ‘Bout not protectin’ King. That shit wasn’t fair.” He sat back, jaw flexin’ for a second, then nodded. “I know you loved him, man. Like I did. I just— I was hurt. Still am. And I took that shit out on you.”

“Royal…” Zay started, then exhaled. “That night? I was right next to him. Shit happened so fuckin’ fast, I couldn’t even pull my heat.”

“I know,” I said quietly. “That’s why I’m sayin’ sorry. For that…and for spazzin’ when you told Averi where I was that day at the studio. You was just tryna look out.”

“I was,” he nodded slowly. “But I overstepped. I ain’t had the right. You was already spiralin, and I added to it. My bad, bro.”

We sat in silence for a minute. Mutual grief sittin’ right between us.

“I don’t think she ever gon forgive me,” I muttered after a while.

Zay leaned back. “Who, Averi?” I nodded. “I mean… you did say some wild shit.”

“I know.”

“But… you care about her right?” My throat tightened. I didn’t answer right away. “Look, all I know is she brought out some other shit in you, dawg,” Zay continued. “Shit I ain’t never seen. You was happy. Light. Even focused. Me and King talked about it all the time. We loved that shit for you.”

I swallowed hard. “Y’all was clownin’ me tho?”

“Of course we was,” he chuckled. “But we also knew she was good for you. You think King would’ve wanted you to let her go like that? Come on man, you know he loved Ave.” I didn’t respond. “Have you at least talked to her since that day?”

“Nah. Not a word.”

Zay sighed. “She hit me a few times. Checkin’ in. Nothin’ serious. I think she just… wanted to make sure you was still breathin’.”

My jaw clenched. “I don’t even know if I want her back, bro.”

“That’s a lie,” Zay said, pointing his grease stained finger at me. “You know you do. You just scared she gon’ say no.” He wasn’t wrong. “The worst she can say is ‘fuck you.’ Which she probably will,” he shrugged, grinning. “But if you care about her the way I know you do… then you owe her the truth. Even if it’s too late.”

I didn’t respond right away. Just nodded and looked down at my food, no appetite left.

Zay clapped me on the back.

“Think on it, bro. You already lost your brother. Don’t lose the girl too especially when we both know she’s the best thing that ever happened to you; creatively and personally.”

Zay had dippedabout twenty minutes ago, and now I was just sittin’ in the silence. Ashtray full. Plate damn near untouched. The TV was on, but I couldn’t tell you what channel it was.

The silence was different this time. It didn’t hurt as bad. Didn’t choke me the way it used to. Maybe because I wasn’t runnin’ from it anymore.

That apology shit wasn’t easy for me, but talkin’ to Zay felt like the first time I could breathe in weeks. I finally felt like I was takin’ a step toward somethin’… instead of away from it.

I leaned back, closed my eyes, and took a long pull from the blunt between my fingers. Averi’s name was still ringin’ in my ears.

She brought out some other shit in you, dawg… you was happy.

I hadn’t felt anything close to happy since the night I told her to leave. I knew I needed to get back to where I needed to be, had to get me right first before I could even think about doing right by her.

I picked up my phone and scrolled to Logan’s contact.

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