Page 45 of Before I Deserved You
“I’m running late,” he tells me instead, and I suck in a painful breath as the knife twists itself deeper into my foolish heart. I slam the door so hard, the sound echoes off the surrounding buildings, unable to comprehend how he couldbe so callous. So cold.
Jake doesn’t waste time peeling away from the curb and guns it down the road, leaving me in a cloud of dust. I keep my eyes on his taillights until they’re nothing but a faint glow in the dark, willing him to turn around. I wait for a good ten minutes before I finally accept he isn’t coming back.
Forcing my heavy feet to move, I trudge across the front lawn and up to my room, where I don’t even make it halfway to the bed before the first heart-wrenching sob tears itself from my aching throat. I lie awake for hours, torturing myself with unwanted images and wondering if my boyfriend is even sparing me a thought at all.
Thirty
Jake
Ipull into my usual spot, a small opening tucked away beneath a thick canopy of trees, and turn off the ignition. Giving myself a moment to simmer down, I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. The guilt about ditching Tessa, once again leaving her disappointed and heartbroken, is already burning a hole in my gut. I’m well aware driving off was a dick move. But fuck, that girl really knows how to push my buttons. Why can’t she just believe in me? Tell you what, it doesn’t feel great when the girl you love more than anything always seems to expect the worst, and this time, I simply hadn’t been able to brush it off.
Pushing my irritation aside, I jump out of the cab and stretch my neck, attempting to rid myself of the lingering tension before I have to put on a good front for my friends. I make my way toward the thumping music spilling from various speakers strategically placed around the forested area and force a convincing smile to my face when I spot the cluster of people I came to see.
“My man. You made it. Where’s your other half?” Ted asks when I join the small group by the fire pit and gratefully accept the red plastic cup he holds out as a welcome gift.
“Are you talking about Teresa or Carter?” Chase jokes, and everyone chuckles at his less-than-subtle dig.
Rolling my eyes and trying not to cringe at the bitter taste of cheap beer, I offer a half-hearted, “Hardy fucking har,” that’s met by yet another round of voracious laughter.
“Tessa and I had a bit of a disagreement, so it’s just me and my sparkling personality this evening.”
The words have barely left my mouth when a slender arm snakes itself around my midsection, and Jessica presses herself into my side.
“Trouble in paradise?” she sings, lips pulled into a ridiculous pout.
“Nothing that can’t be fixed in the morning,” I say with a tight smile before firmly detaching myself from the unwanted embrace to give myself room to breathe.
Tony Branson, who appears to be three sheets to the wind already, stumbles into our circle and grins at Ted while he slings a beefy arm around his shoulders to steady himself.
“Gotcha a gift,” he slurs, proudly holding out a bottle of quality scotch for everyone to see. “Took it from my stepfather’s expensive collection. Serves him right for being a total tool. Let’s do some shots and celebrate this motherfucker’s lap around the sun in style. What do you say?”
“I say line ’em up!” Ted shouts, and Tony doesn’t waste time cracking the seal. He sniffs the open bottle and pours the amber liquid into a row of disposable shot glasses, spilling about half the contents in the process.
Once everyone is armed and ready, Chase raises his glass, and we wait for him to finish his toast before tipping our heads back in unison. I grit my teeth at the burn but instantly feel more settled as a warm sensation begins to spread low in my belly. I let my gaze wander over each person I’m surrounded by. People I’ve known since kindergarten. People who would most likely be a part of my life until the day I die. I love Ted and Chase like brothers and get along well with everyone here. With the exception of Shane Cooper, who’s been sneering at meever since I arrived, most likely plotting his next attempt to fuck me over as we speak.
I listen to my friends laugh and rag on each other and try hard to stay in the moment as the night goes on, but Tessa is never far from my mind. Now that I’ve had some time to calm down and think about her words more rationally, I can admit she’s not wrong. We only have a very limited amount of time left, and the thought of her hauling her bags out of the house on D-day actually gives me indigestion. So why am I fighting her so hard? Why am I wasting precious time hanging out with these bozos when I could be spending it balls deep in the girl I love? Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.
I let my pride get in the way of what could’ve been a perfect weekend—I acted like a total asshole. Tessa is right. Apart from her jealousy issues, she really has been the best girlfriend a guy like me could ever ask for. I’m well aware that I’m not easy to love. I’m moody and quick to anger and as closed off as a fucking vault. But has she ever complained about my less-than-stellar personality traits? No, sir, she has not. She’s been a steady presence in my life. Patient and loyal, and always willing to listen to my shit whenever I needed to vent, which I’ve done a hell of a lot of over the years. And how do I repay her? By getting fucked up all the time? By choosing this circus over her and making her worry about me when she should be getting excited about college.
Ted pushes another shot in my hand, yanking me out of my musings, and I knock it back without hesitation. I may be an ass, but that doesn’t mean I have to be a sober one. The damage is already done. She’s probably fuming right now, cursing my ass to hell and back. Giving her a night to cool off is best, and I can grovel in the morning. So, I spend the next few hours playing guitar, knocking back beers, and pretending I’m having the time of my life while the guilt continues to eat away at my insides.
We’re nearing the end of our impromptu jam session when Jessica plucks herself down beside me, so close she may as well be sitting in my lap. I belt out the last sentence of Pearl Jam’s ‘Daughter,’ giving thestrings a final strum, and reluctantly accept the drink she holds out to me. Once her hands are free, she goes on to applaud like she’s just witnessed the resurrection of Jesus Christ himself. I try not to roll my eyes at her exuberance and busy myself by gulping down half the cup of foamy goodness instead.
“That was amazing, Jake. You truly have the voice of an angel.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, staring into the dancing flames to avoid her adoring gaze.
“You seem a little off tonight.”
There’s a snarky remark sitting at the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back, having already hit my asshole quota for the day. Unfortunately, Jessica takes my silence as a sign of encouragement. Laying a hand on my shoulder, she leans further into me. Her next words are nothing but a whisper in my ear.
“I could turn your night around, you know? Just say the word, and I’ll blow your mind.”
Turning my head, I meet her hooded eyes and blow out an exasperated breath. To hell with being polite.
“I have no doubt you’re a woman of many talents, and I know that at least half a dozen guys here tonight would consider themselves lucky to catch your attention. But you’re barking up the wrong tree here, Jessica. I’m in a relationship, and even if I wasn’t, you’re just not my type.” I don’t enjoy hurting her feelings, but fuck me, I’ve taken the gentle approach one too many times. There are only so many ways to shut a girl down before it starts to feel like harassment.
She doesn’t seem to care that I’ve never responded to her blatant offers. Neither does she give a fuck that I’m clearly committed to someone else. It’s time to make her understand that not everyone with a dick considers her to be God’s gift and that she and I are never going to happen. Jessica draws back, her face a twisted mask of displeasure.
