Page 37 of Before I Deserved You
“What do you want me to say, Carter?” I shout as all the build-up anger and adrenaline bubble to the surface. “I’m telling you the truth when I say he’s never taken it this far before. He’s never touched Anna or Jude before today, either. I came in here to find him pinning my little brother to the wall, and I lost it. You don’t fuck with my dad, especially not when he’s had a few too many. I provoked him, he put me in my place, and he won’t remember any of it come morning. Life goes on, as usual, and I’ll be fine because I fucking have to be, alright?” I try to believe the bullshit I’m spewing, but my words sound weak, even to my own ears.
My father is a raging alcoholic who gets off on smacking his kid around for shits and giggles, and now that his violent tendencies seem to have extended to my siblings, I’m not so sure things will ever befineagain. Have I been deluding myself for thinking I’m in control of the situation? Am I truly protecting Anna and Jude by taking the brunt of my dad’s anger, or am I just a selfish little asshole who can’t bear the thought of being separated from his family? I honestly don’t know the answers anymore.
Up until today, I’d been able to justify my silence. After all, I was the only one affected by his abuse. But things are different now. He touched my little brotherwhen I wasn’t around to protect him, and maybe it’s time I admitted that I’m in over my head. Today shook me. I’ve been on the receiving end of his violent outbursts more times than I can count, but I’ve never feared for my life before. It always felt controlled. Never like this. Wild and undisciplined. He genuinely scared me, and my nerves are shot.
I’m two seconds away from having a mental breakdown, and I’d much rather not have an audience for it. As if this whole fucked up situation isn’t already humiliating enough. I gesture for Tessa to give me some room and stagger to my feet. Slapping a hand to the wall to keep myself from swaying, I look around and wrinkle my nose in disgust as I take in the state of the kitchen—the puddle of vomit on the floor and the blood splatters decorating the cream-colored walls. It looks like a goddamn crime scene, and I’d better get this place cleaned up before my sister gets home.
“Thank you guys for intervening,” I say, nodding at Carter in a show of genuine respect and gratitude. “It took major balls to stand up to him, and I appreciate you stepping in. But I need to get this taken care of and check on Jude. Wouldn’t mind lying down for a bit either, to be perfectly honest. I’m not feeling so hot.”
“I’m not leaving you.” Tessa’s expression is determined, and I blow out a tired breath.
“Baby, please,” I beg, screwing my eyes shut and massaging my temples to ease the pounding in my skull. “I know you’re worried, but I really just want to bealone right now. Believe it or not, but getting the snot beat out of you by your own parent while your friends and girlfriend watch is kind of embarrassing.”
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Jake. The second you realized your brother needed your help, you stormed in here, ready to sacrifice yourself to spare him. You're out of your mind if you believe we’d think less of you for not fighting back. He’s your father. He’s stronger and a hell of a lot meaner, and you only would’ve made things worse. So don’t you dare feel ashamed. You’re a goddamn hero.”
I snort at her heartfelt declaration and drag myself to the kitchen sink. Some fucking hero. Don’t get me wrong, I love that girl more than anything, but her view of me is seriously skewed. I’m nobody’s hero. In fact, I’m beginning to think I might be more of a coward. Turning on the faucet, I splash some cold water on my face and rinse my mouth to rid myself of the coppery taste. Pretty sure the fucker knocked one of my teeth loose.
“Jake?” My head whips around at my brother’s timid voice, and I find him hovering just outside the doorway. Poor kid is shaking like a leaf, face puffy and red.
“Hiya, buddy,” I murmur, giving him my best smile and trying not to wince when the movement tugs on my split lip. Jude produces a gut-wrenching sound and comes barreling toward me. I drop to one knee, a pained grunt leaving me when his little body collides with mine, but I don’t let it stop me from holding him against my chest. I simply wait for him to get it all out, my heart squeezing painfully while I stroke his back and listen to him sob.
The raw emotion glittering in Tessa’s hazel eyes is too much, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut to escape it. I can’t fall apart right now. Not until it’s safe to.
“It’s alright, little man. I’m alright. Nothing but a few bumps and bruises.”
“I was so scared,” he admits in a hoarse whisper before he pulls back to look me over. The way he ever so gently touches the tips of his fingers to the swelling around my eye almost sends me over the edge. I press my lips into a tight line to keep my chin from wobbling before I find my voice.
“I know, buddy. I was scared, too, but it’s over now. He’s gone, and I won’t ever let him touch you again, I promise. You know I’ll always protect you.”
“And who protects you? He’s mean, Jake, and I don’t want him to hurt you anymore.”Fuuuuuck. Please, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry.Inhaling a shaky breath, I rack my brain for something adequate to say, but the painful lump in my throat prevents me from speaking.
“We will,” Carter jumps in when he senses my internal struggle. He gives me a curt nod, letting me know he’s got my back, and I want to kiss him for always knowing exactly what I need. “He won’t be hurting either one of you anymore. We have evidence of your dad’s mistreatment now, and he knows he won’t get away with the way he’s been behaving anymore.”
I give my brother a smile that’s meant to be comforting but probably makes me look like I’m constipated instead.
“We’ll be fine, Jude. We’re strong, remember? A team like Batman and Robin. Best buds like Scooby and Shaggy.”
“Mighty like Spider-Man and the Human Torch,” he keeps our silly game going, sniffing back tears and finally showing me a toothy grin of his own. I chuckle, messing with his unruly hair.
“That’s right, my man. And superheroes never stay down for long.”
“Because of their superhuman healing powers?”
“Exactly,” I nod, pushing to my feet and hiding my discomfort as best I can. “Now, how about you go upstairs and pick out a comic book for us to read while I take care of this mess? We wouldn’t want Anna to come home and get scared. After all, it’s a superhero’s job to protect the innocent.” The mention of his favorite pastime spurs him into action, and he flies out of the kitchen to pick a favorite from his impressive collection. I wait for the sound of his footsteps to recede up the creaky staircase before blowing out a soft curse.
“You really don’t want us to take you to the hospital?” Carter asks. I shake my head no, already busy filling a bucket with soapy water.
“I can do that,” Tessa says, reaching for the rag on the counter. Everything in me wants to take her up on her offer so I can sit down and nurse my injuries. But I’m not willing to give up my last shred of dignity, and my girlfriend crawling around on her hands and knees to wipe up the evidence of my weakness would surely be the final nail in the coffin.
“I’ve got this.”
“Jake.”
“Teresa,” I mimic, shooting her a pleading look.
“Fine. We’ll leave. But promise you’ll call the second the pain gets worse. I can be here in less than ten minutes. Jude may believe you’re a superhero, but we both know you’re only human.”
I tell her what she needs to hear to stop fussing over me and usher my friends out the back door. Tessa places a soft kiss on my throbbing cheek and gives me a lingering look before reluctantly turning away to follow Megan and Carter down the road. I close the door and collapse against it, taking a moment to pull myself together. The adrenaline is beginning to drop, and suddenly, I feel bone weary. How the hell did we get here? My mom would roll over in her grave if she could see us now. If she knew what that bastard was doing to her babies. It’s when I wring out the rag, equal parts shocked and mesmerized by the rust-colored water dripping into the bucket, that I make a vow to myself. If that motherfucker so much as disturbs another hair on their heads, I’ll end him.
