Page 34 of Mahogany 1

I wasn’t just confused; I was in denial.

“Because I feel like she gon’ come.”

With raised brows he said, “Alright dad.”

With that he walked away, and I went back to sulking like a bitch. After standing there for a couple of seconds, Honesty returned, tugging at the bottom of her dress. My baby girl did hate dresses. I never paid attention to that before. Thought she just didn’t wear them as often as her sisters. Would have never guessed she really didn’t like them. That was Mahogany’s department. To notice shit like that.

“What you want to wear Honesty?” I asked, watching just how uncomfortable she was.

“Pants. Leggings, or biker shorts. I hate dresses dad,” She pouted.

I nodded towards the closet. “Find something to wear. You can put on what you want to put on. Ain’t gotta be no fancy shit, aight?”

Her face lit up with a smile. “Okay dad!”

It was time I faced reality. Mahogany wasn’t coming. If she was, she would have been here hours ago. Wouldn’t have gone to ‘work’. Would have spent the whole day getting ready. I should’ve known something was up early this morning when she got ready to go. She never worked on her birthday. I was just… lost. Lost in everything going on around me. I should have done more. Should have paid more attention. Should have listened to her the first time she said to cancel the party. Should have realized then just how serious she was about… everything. Mahogany thought it was important to keep up appearances just as much as I did. If she wanted the party canceled a day before, knowing what I knew and who was supposed to show up, she really didn’t give a fuck anymore.

I pushed up away from the door and pulled my phone from my pocket. I was tempted to call her for the hundredth time but said nah. I would call her last. I called her parents first.

“What up, pops,” I said once he picked up, brushing my hand down my head as I stood at the hallway window, watching the DJ set up. He was early as hell. Asked him to be because I didn’t want any delays on shit. I hired a bartending service and a caterer too. I was doing it big for my baby but… fuck. Waste of money and time. I didn’t give a fuck about neither. Just… wished I could do something nice for her. Something from the heart. I’d even invited a few of her coworkers and trusted clients. But shit… that was a no go.

“Wassup son,” he responded. “Yeah, Eve, it’s Duke.”

“Tell ma I said hey,” I said. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something. Man-to-man.”

“Hold on a minute,” he said before telling Eve to give him some privacy. “Yeah, what is it?”

I took a deep breath and shook my head. “Me and Mahogany had a little… argument last night. So, the party canceled.”

“Shit,” he cursed. “What happened, boy? Look, don’t even tell me about it. I don’t want to know your business. I just want you to fix it. I love you Duke, but I love my daughter more and if you did something to hurt her?—”

“Never pops,” I lied. I’d done a lot to hurt her. I was convinced that this was my karma for all of it.

“Yeah okay. You call my brother and nem’ yet? You know they here and?—”

“Yeah, not yet. I was hoping you could hit them up. I don’t?—”

“You was hopin’ I cleaned up a mess you made?” He laughed. “Boy if you don’t… listen. Handle yo business.”

I sighed and ran my hand over the top of my head. “I don’t know what to say, man. You know Mahogany don’t like people in her business and?—”

“Ain’t my problem to fix, son. Call ‘em. Be as honest as you can without tellin’ her business. You know my daughter spoiledrotten. Tell ‘em it’s rescheduled or some shit, boy. But they gon’ be mad because that ride up from Ohio ain’t a short one.”

After telling him I would handle it, we got off the phone and I made my way down a long list of people to contact. Shit killed me, hearing the disappointment and questions in peoples voice. Especially my momma’s. Her tone was dripping with ‘mmhmm’ and I couldn’t stand that shit. Hated she knew just a portion of my business because every time some shit popped off, she was going to automatically assumed I fucked up by cheating.

I saved Mahogany’s sisters for last. Couldn’t stand hearing the wonder in their voices neither. I paid close attention though, trying to see if there was even a hint of them knowing where she was. Asked too. Neither of them knew where Mahogany was but if there was one thing I did know, it was that they would find her. I told them to let me know if they heard from her, knowing full well they wouldn’t.

Once I told the family the party was canceled, I turned my notifications off and headed out back to let the DJ know what was going on. I hated the shit. Every word I spoke was a reminder of just how fucked up shit was. Mahogany would never disappear on me if she didn’t have plans on divorcing me. The thought alone put a thick ass knot of emotions in my throat. Had to hold back tears as I spoke with the DJ. He was accommodating, hit me with a business card, took his fee and headed out. Once that was done, I continued down the list. Hit the mixologist, the photographer and the caterer up, too. Hated doing that, knowing they had already got the food. But to make shit right between them all, I paid full price. It was only right.

After the DJ packed up and left, I undid all of the decorating the decorator did and headed inside to take a shower. I had been busy, running around, trying to get shit situated for the kids all day that I hadn’t even gotten myself straight. Shit was crazy. On my way to the room, I told the kids the party was over and toorder a pizza. I didn’t know where my wife was, but I hoped like hell she came home tonight so I could fix it the best way I could.

11

MAHOGANY

It feltlike I was breaking.

Shattering, really. There were teeny tiny cracks in the foundation that was made up of me. Every time I thought about life without him; I cracked a little more. It was my birthday, and I was close to breaking completely. And as I sat in the deep set, bathtub, the smell of lavender and vanilla evading my nostrils, I thought... shit... so what? I was tired. Tired of putting me back together for everyone but me. I wondered what would happen if I let life just...be? If I said fuck it and just threw in the towel. I wondered if then I’d get that mental freedom and clarity I so badly desired.

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