Page 203 of Nanny and the Beast

I can’t sleep tonight, so I go to his room instead.

I close his bedroom door behind me and lean against it. I stay there, just breathing in thescent of him. It feels like I’m filling my lungs with glass.Every breath I take hurts.

I’m aware this behavior isn’t healthy, but it’s all I want to do.

In a daze,I walk to his bed. It’s the same bed we shared. We spent countless hours under these sheets, but that feels like a lifetime ago now.

It feels like there’s an invisible hand squeezing down on my throat. I don’t know howI could have been so wrong about him. But the irony is that even after all the hurt he caused me, I still can’t bring myself to hate him.

I lay down on the bed and smell his pillow.

I don’t know how it happens, but it gets easier to breathe. His room smells so much like him that it makes my body come alive. I rub my nipples against his bedsheets, feeling restless.

I’m turned on, but I feel empty inside.

Tears run down my cheeks.

I miss being with him. I miss the way he made me feel.

Maybe I was naive to think that a simple girl like me would be enough for a billionaire. But I really thought we had something special.

Before I can fall into the heartbreak spiral, I wipe away my tears and video call Gigi.

She picks up immediately. There’s glitter on her eyelids, and she’s wearing a blonde wig. She’s in the middle of a shift at Elysium.

“Hi, I just wanted to see your face fora second,” I say. “Are you free to talk?”

“Yes, of course,” she says. “I was just about to take a break anyway. Is everything okay, babe?”

My instinct is to brush my emotions under the rug. But I know I don’t have to pretend to be anything I’m not with my friends.

“I miss him, Gigi,” I say. “I misshow happy I was when I was with him. And now, I don’t think I’m ever capable of feeling that happiness again.”

She looks at me for a second.

“Do you want to go on a trip?” she asks.

“A trip?” I repeat.

“Yeah, I think a change of scenery will help,” she says. “We can plan a girl’s trip to Santa Fe. I have a hotel membership, so our stay will be covered.”

“You don’t have to do that for me,” I say.

“It’s not just for you,” she says. “I love working at Elysium, but I’m getting tired of the same old routine. I want to dosomething just for fun, you know? I’ll convince Olivia and Ophelia to come along as well. I’ll also invite my roommate, Lily. She’s very sweet. I think you’ll really like her. I’m getting excited about it already. It’s going to be so muchfun.”

She grows increasingly animated by the second, and her joy is contagious.

I don’t know if we’ll even end up going on the trip together, but just the thought of it lifts my spirits.

It fills me with something I haven’t felt in a long time—excitement. It’s been a while since I’ve been excited about something.

“You’re smiling,” Gigi says. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

“Yes,” I say. A weekend trip with you all sounds amazing.

“Let’s all meet for brunch tomorrow,” she says. “We haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Won’t you guys be exhausted after the night shift?” I ask.

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