Page 5 of Boyfriend Maintenance

“The fact that you didn’t know the answer to that question is proof that you need to get a penis friend.” Stepping off the elevator, she digs her keys out of her purse before I get the chance.

I choke on a snort. “A what?”

“A penis friend. As in you need penis. Bad.” She waves me off like the words that just fell out of her mouth shouldn’t surprise me. Then again, I guess they shouldn’t.

“I’ve been busy,” I offer up lamely.

“There’s always time for sex.” She looks back at me as she unlocks the door.

I shrug.

“No, Emmy, there is always time for sex. Make it a priority, please. You’ll thank me for it afterwards.”

“There will never be a time when I thank you for sex.”

Bex replies by throwing her head back and laughing as I follow her in the apartment.

Chapter 4

Jake

The cab dropsme off right in front of a swanky-as-shit bar. Maybe the better term for it would be a cocktail lounge. Normally, you wouldn’t catch me dead in a place like this, but it’s my fault for not doing my due diligence before accepting Sara’s location for drinks. But whatever. I’ve got a singular goal for tonight.

Walking into Blush, I quickly realize I have no business being here. This place is upscale. Good thing I always dress nice for these hookup dates because there is a dress code. The only nice clothes I own are a dark wash pair of jeans, black dress shoes, and a couple nice button-downs. I wear them so little that you can’t tell they are a couple years old. I’m a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy. Work boots and sneakers. The doorman, a young twentysomething eyes me as I walk past him through the second set of doors.

Damn, these rich fucks are snooty. Hopefully, Sara and I can enjoy a drink or two and take this date back to my place. Or hers, which is actually the better option. Surprisingly, it’s self-seating, so I find a small table for two near the door against the wall. The music playing overhead is instrumental, but the current song carries a familiar tune. The decor is glass and chrome and folded cloth napkins are placed at each table setting. I scan the lounge for a menu but no, you’ll find no wall menu here. Too fancy.

“Well, hey there, sexy,” a feminine voice says from next to me.

Uh.

I look up and the blonde with the nice smile from the Match Me app is smiling down at me. I stand to greet her. “Hey, Sara. How are you?”

She slides into my empty seat. Okay, odd, but whatever. I take a seat across the table.

“Hmmm. I love your warmth already.” She wiggles into the chair as if she just can’t get close enough to it.

“Uh,” is all I can manage. She doesn’t look crazy, but I’m not getting a good vibe here. And, as I assess her, I realize that she looks familiar.

“Jakey-pooh. You don’t realize who I am, do you?” She waves a server over as she says this.

“It’s just Jake. And should I know who you are? I mean, you do look familiar.” Really, I can’t place her face. But I know it.

She giggles. Just then the server arrives next to our table. She orders a Sex on the Beach and I order a Jack and Coke.

As soon as he leaves, she continues, “I figured you didn’t know it was me, I mean, I’ve seen you several times since we set up this date and you haven’t mentioned it,” she pouts but continues. “I was kind of hoping it was because you were trying to keep things professional around the building. I get that, I really do.”

Then it dawns on me. Fucking-a. She’s a resident at 425 Madison. Damn it. Fifteenth floor.

“Ah, you are putting two and two together.” She smiles.

Well shit. I’m not hooking up with anyone tonight it seems. “Look, Sara, I have a rule.”

“Oh, like a safe word? That’s a great idea. Do you have one you like to use, or can I pick it?” Her eyes are full of excitement.

I shake my head, I’m confused as to why we are on the topic of safe words.

“You know, I can see it now. You’re into kinky. I bet you have a red room of pain. Oh my gosh, I’m so into red rooms.” She claps her hands together in front of her and I’m completely at a loss for words. “I’m so excited. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been wanting to check out that handyman you keep in your pants for a while now, but knowing that you’re handyandkinky … I’m just about to burst.” She winks at me then and adds, “If you know what I mean.”

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