Page 64 of Level Me Up

Bernie sucks in a sharp breath, I just glare at him.

“Wade, we came over here to cheer him up, not piss him off,” she hisses.

“I’m his brother, it's my right to tell him when he is being dramatic. Now, I’ve done my part, you can do yours,” he throws back.

“Fine,” she huffs. She shifts her gaze back to me and loses the annoyance from her tone. She and Wade have always gotten along, so I’m not surprised that they devised a plan. But he’s always doing the opposite of what she expects him to do, so while I’m pissed at him right now, I feel for her, she was trying to be helpful, and he ruined it by being an ass.

“Look, I just…we are worried about you, Dex,” her tone sad and concerned.

I try to compose my anger towards my brother and force a smile at Bernie. I take a moment to think about what I want to say so I can end this conversation and head to my room.

“I know you are, Bern, but I’ll be alright. I just got knocked off my axis when I lost her.”

“Do you love her?” she whispers.

I’m staring down at my beer again, warm in my hands from gripping the glass for so long.

“More than anything,” I croak.

“If you love her so much, why don’t you do something about it, little brother?” Wade asks as he clamps a reassuring hand on my shoulder. All trace of asshole gone.

“I’m scared. I’m scared I imagined the whole thing, and she never felt the same way for me.”

“Dex,” Bernie tisks. “She felt the same way, and that scared her. She didn’t handle it the right way, but she so totally felt the same way. And I’m willing to bet she still does. She’s a worse mess than you are, bud.”

And that rips my heart apart even more. Knowing that she is still hurting just as bad as I am, worse from the sound of it. I know Morgan is the one who ended it, but I can’t help but feel that I did this to her. I know I was moving too fast. I shouldn’t have taken her to meet my parents. I knew it was too soon. I knew she was struggling with the intensity of our relationship. I knew.

I sigh. “Thanks, guys. Really. I’m sorry I’ve been a such a downer. I’ll work on it.” I force a smile at Bernie. I finally let go of my glass, push my chair back, and stand. I clap a hand on Wade’s shoulder, “I’m heading to bed. Been a big day. Great day, but I’m wiped.”

After saying good night to my parents and the rest of the group, I head upstairs to my hotel room. I’m sharing it with Link, but he won’t be coming up anytime soon. I need to make a plan. I need to figure out what I’m going to do. I can’t keep going this way. If only because I’m going to drive my friends mad.

If Bernie was right about Morgan being miserable, maybe, just maybe I still have a chance.

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