Page 44 of One More Round

Gah! Why do I let him get to me? What is the old children’s saying? Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

He’s only ever had hurtful words for me, nearly our entire lives, and I’m still standing. I know the things he says to me, about me, are untrue and I don’t dwell on them anymore. But hearing them come from someone who is supposed to share a bond so strong that nothing can break it hurts like hell.

Taking a deep breath in through my nose, I push the door open and walk in.

Much like before, Todd is in the same position. Following his gaze, I look out the window and notice the view. It’s actually a good view, as we are not far from downtown, so he has a lovely cityscape to look at.

“Nice view,” I muster.

He snorts, “Yeah, worth every penny.”

Feeling stronger than before, I move to stand closer to his bed but I don’t allow myself to get comfortable.

“You wanted me to come by myself, twin. So here I am,” I say, looking directly at him.

I see the smirk at the use of the nickname. There was a very short time when we were little that we would just call each other “twin.” Occasionally, as we got older, around middle school, he would use it. When he’d wish me a Happy Birthday, or a Merry Christmas. I always took it as a sign of endearment. That maybe he didn’t always dislike me.

His eyes lift to an airplane in the sky, it’s taking off so slowly, creeping up into the air. As soon as it disappears into the clouds he turns to me.

“I hate you.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not sure if I stagger back for real, but I grab onto the railing at the end of his bed. I open my mouth to say—what, I don’t know. So I close it again.

But he lifts his hand to tell me to wait. That I should let him finish his attack.

“I’ve hated you since I was old enough to realize that you and I were nothing alike. When I was the only one always getting in trouble and you were the goody-two-shoes. Mom and Dad always doted on you. Me? I was always stressing them out. I’ve hated you for so long now.”

Well, this is probably the time when I should leave, I don’t have to hear this. But my feet are rooted to the floor. I stand here and take his verbal beating.

“You were always happy. And I wasn’t. And since we were twins, we were supposed to share everything. At least, that’s what I thought. That's how all the other twins in our school acted. But not you. Perfect, happy, no-stress Gia. That just wouldn’t do so I figured out pretty quickly how to bring you down to my level. And wouldn’t you know? It made me feel so much better knowing you were sharing some of my pain.”

Even if he showed any sign of being done, I don’t know what I would say.

“There was actually a short time where you seemed as miserable as I was but then fucking Simon Palmer started hanging around. Lifting you up every time I brought you down. God, I hated him, too. The way he followed you around like a lovesick puppy. Is he still a douchebag?”

Anger starts to overtake the sadness at this point. My feet become unglued and I start to turn to leave.

“No. Wait. I’m not done,” he says forcefully.

“No. I think you are. I don’t have to listen to you try to break me down and I sure as hell don’t have to listen to you talk about Simon that way,” I grind out, walking to the door.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, almost pleading. Stopping me in my tracks.

“I’m sorry I’ve hated you,” he adds. My stance relaxes just a hair at his statement. Whether I believe him this time or not, he has never once said he was sorry. I didn’t realize he knew that word existed.

I don’t face him fully but turn my head slightly toward him to let him know I’m listening.

He clears his throat before continuing, “When I was hallucinating, I remember thinking that you were out to get me. The voices in my head were telling me that my family was going to try and kill me. But it was in the moments of clarity that I realized, I knew it couldn’t be true because you were too good. That, even though I hated you, I didn’t truly think you hated me back. The moments of clarity, that became fewer and further between, were when I realized what was going on. That I needed to get to the hospital. So, in a way, you saved me.”

At his admission, tears fill my eyes and I turn back to him. He sees my face and rolls his eyes.

“Christ. Gia, don’t take everything I say to heart. I’d think you’d know that by now.”

My eyebrows crease at his words.

“I don’t understand how you can be so mean one second and then say something meaningful the next,” I say, managing to fight back the sob lodged in my throat.

“Maybe because I’m a fucking nut case, Gia. I don’t know. Just, what I’m trying to say is that I’m tired of hating you. Do I think we can be the twins I know you so desperately wanted to be? No. Do I think we can even be friends? Probably not at this point. But, I’d like to get to a place that I don’t resent you. A place where I can actually somewhat care about your feelings instead of just using them against you.” I snort and hold back a laugh at this.

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