Page 63 of One More Round

I don’t remember how I got up to the apartment on the fourth floor, whether I took the stairs or the elevator. But when I open the door I find Morgan on the couch watching TV.

I know tears are still falling freely. I close the door and stand there in the middle of the tiny living room.

“Gia, what’s going on,” she says, alarmed.

“We’re done,” is all I manage to get out. I resist the urge to let the panic take over. I look at Morgan and see understanding on her face.

“Come here,” she says, holding her arms out. I cross the room to sit beside her. She hugs me for a while, then I lie down with my head in her lap. She hands me a tissue and pulls the blanket from the top of the couch to cover me.

“So just like that?” she asks.

“Yeah, last night he said we had time to figure things out. But this morning it seems as if he made the decision on his own without including me.” I sniff.

“What about long distance? It’s not ideal, but they travel a lot and, heck, they are always in California. It could work,” she offers hopefully.

“He wouldn’t even entertain the idea. He’s done with me. With us,” I sob into her lap. “He said we were not meant to be.” She runs her fingers through my hair as I cry.

“It’s gonna be OK, Gia. It’s going to be hard and your heart is going to hurt. But you have an amazing life in front of you, you’ll get through this.”

“Maybe,” I sniff out weepily.

“Let's watch some Oliver Queen. I know how much you love The Arrow,” she says, picking up the remote to power up Netflix.

“Only if we can watch the episodes where he and Felicity start to realize they are falling in love. They are my favorite.” She agrees and we settle in for a long day of watching Ollie save the city. No sexy TV hero will be able to save me from my broken heart, but it will dull the pain for a while.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Gia

It’s hard to be excited about a new, life-changing opportunity when your heart hurts. It’s been nearly two weeks since Simon and I broke up and my heart hasn’t started to mend. I’m not sure I want it to, though. I kind of feel like this is my karma. I’ve kept one too many secrets and I’ll never truly have a full heart again. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I have been living with a Simon-sized hole in my heart since the day I left him when I was sixteen.

But with adult love comes a different kind of heartache. When you are a kid and in love, the heartbreak is dramatic. You don’t know how you will ever live without the one you lost. But then, before you realize it you’re back to normal, wondering why you were being so melodramatic in the first place.

As an adult, when your heart breaks, you realize that life will go on. You just have to do it with a broken heart. You have to get up and work, be social and eventually move on. It's less dramatic because you most likely already know what heartache feels like. But it isn’t necessarily less traumatic.

But to be clear, knowing all this doesn’t make it any easier, it’s just the knowledge that you will move on, without the one who broke your heart. In my case, I would probably be the heartbreaker. Yes, Simon ended things, but I don’t fault him for that. I’m the one who messed up. I will live with that for the rest of my life. I’m the one who lost the love of her life … twice.

Over the past several days, I’ve put my shields back in place. They aren’t the ironclad walls I used to have, mostly because I have nothing left to hide. Also, because I don’t want to lose another person in my life. I’m not happy with how I’ve hidden from the ones I love most in the past. There are days I struggle with even liking myself. But then I remind myself that we all make mistakes, and we can learn from our mistakes. That’s what I’ve done, but maybe a little too late, though I’m not sure about that yet. The shields that are in place are really there to protect me from myself.

I give myself a couple days to wallow. Then I get up, put my big girl panties on and decide to prepare for the next chapter in my life.

I leave in exactly one week. I’ve put a deposit down on a studio apartment I can barely afford. My parents are going to be driving up next week, the day before I leave to take my car to park at their house, where it will stay until I decide what I want them to do with it. I’m tempted to just sell it, but my mom didn’t want me to decide right away. I don’t think she really wants me to leave, but she hasn’t come out and said it.

I currently find myself just standing in front of my closet wondering what to pack first. I’ve done just about everything else but pack. Packing seems so final. It’s probably why I’ve left it for last.

“Knock, knock,” I hear come from my half-open door. It’s Ruby and she pushes her way through with a bunch of flat, unused boxes.

“Hey,” I offer with a smile. I’ve been trying to do that as much as possible when around the girls. I didn’t want my last weeks with them to be sadder than necessary.

“I’ve brought boxes,” she announces. “I bought a lot because the cute guy at the supply store was just so excited about selling me the right kind of box.”

Morgan walks in, not far behind Ruby. “Good to know that we have enough boxes for at least two more moves after we pack you up, Gia.” She laughs at Ruby.

“Hey, I’m just thinking ahead. You know, being prepared and all that jazz,” she says nonchalantly. I just chuckle and look around my room.

“I really don’t know where to start.”

“Well, you’re going to ship most of your stuff, so maybe you should start with your clothes,” Morgan offers, grabbing a box from the stack on the floor and putting it together.

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