Page 53 of Johann

Sometimes Jay felt like he was a bottomless pit of want and need. And he was only just recently realizing how deep it went. He wanted to be held, possibly all the time. He wanted to experience everything he’d ever missed. He wanted to taste every kind of human food. He wanted to meet every kind of person. He wanted to pet every animal in the whole wide world.

He wanted Alexei with him always.

And Alexei made him feel safe with that want. He wouldn’t scold Jay over needing too much. He wouldn’t judge him harshly for his many missing pieces. Maybe it was because Alexei had missed out on enough in his own life to understand that kind of want.

“I liked—” Jay started to say but stopped when he realized he wasn’t sure how to finish the thought.

Alexei stroked his cheek, his weight on top of Jay so delightfully heavy and comforting. “You liked what, sweetheart?”

“Well.” Jay bit at his lip, considering. “I liked the other day, when we were both pleasing each other with our mouths? But I liked this too. I liked…relaxing and letting you take care of me, like you said. Is that bad?” Jay kind of felt somehow like itshouldbe bad. Like it was selfish of him to like being under Alexei’s care so much, to take all that pleasure without giving back.

But Alexei was still smiling at him, stroking Jay’s face. “We’ve got a budding pillow princess on our hands, huh?”

Jay didn’t know what that meant, but Alexei’s voice was so clearly full of affection when he said it that Jay couldn’t help smiling back in response.

The kiss Alexei pressed to Jay’s neck had a lovely shiver running down his spine. “I could do that,” Alexei murmured, the words rumbling against Jay’s skin. “Make you feel good like that—all day, every day for the rest of my life, kotyonok. It’s not bad at all that you enjoy it. It’s like I said earlier: you’re greedy for affection, and I’m greedy to give it to you.”

See? Alexei really was the nicest human in the entire world.

The reassurance had Jay finally feeling ready to relax and let Alexei out of his hold. He slackened his legs, and Alexei pulled out of him slowly. It felt…strange.

As did the cum dripping out of Jay’s body. Jay peered down at his lower half. “Oh. Goodness.”

Alexei was up on his knees above Jay’s sprawled body. His hair had come loose from its bun at some point during all the sex stuff, and the strands were wild around his face. He looked so unbelievably handsome. Jay wanted to draw him. “We can use condoms next time, if you’d prefer.”

“No!” Jay’s response was more vehement than he’d intended. He cleared his throat and softened his voice, folding his hands over his belly. “No. I like this. I like having you in me.”

Was that too much to say? But Alexei was still looking down at him with fire in his eyes—the good kind, not the angry kind—so it must have been okay.

“All right, then. Be right back, kitten.”

Alexei left the bedroom, and Jay could hear him rummaging around in the bathroom, then the sound of the sink running. He came back quickly with a warm, wet washcloth, and he started cleaning Jay up—first his stomach, since Jay had orgasmed all over himself—and then his…delicate bits.

If Jay could purr—really purr—he would be doing it right about now. His beastie was certainly purring inside him. For a creature with such potentially vicious cravings, it definitely liked having Alexei caring for them so gently. Really, it just liked anything involving Alexei at all.

Hussy, Jay accused. (Not that he was any better.) His beastie only purred louder in response.

Alexei cleaned himself after Jay, then left one more time to toss the washcloth somewhere, and then he was back, still deliciously naked, sitting at the edge of the bed, his broad back tempting Jay to bite at it, even with his blunt teeth.

But the urge left him when Alexei held up one of his drawings, and Jay realized what he’d been looking at. A portrait of Vee.

“Is this…?”

“Veronique,” Jay answered, his voice coming out smaller than he’d like.

Alexei studied the picture, his face looking awfully stern, reminding Jay of his early days in the café. “She’s beautiful.”

Jay rose into a kneeling position, looking at the portrait over Alexei’s shoulder, breathing in his yummy vanilla scent. “I know I’m supposed to hate her,” he said. “She took me from my human life, molded me to her needs. She never once considered mine. And the virginity—” Alexei’s muscles tensed against him “She’d have these parties sometimes. There were always vampire men. I could have… But they always scared me. And she—I knew she would be displeased. She would have considered it a division of my loyalties. So I just kept all my desire to myself. And she let me.” Jay sighed, resting his cheek against Alexei’s shoulder and closing his eyes, not wanting to look at the drawing any longer. “But she was also my companion. My…friend. I’m not—I’m not brave or strong or tough. I missed her when she died. Sometimes I still miss her. I miss having someone just for me.”

Alexei set the portrait down, one of his broad hands reaching back to stroke Jay’s hair. That was nice. “It’s hard to hate the people who raised you. My father was a bastard of the highest order. But if he suddenly rose from the dead and just—I don’t fucking know—told me he loved me? Offered me a fucking hug? I’d probably end up taking it, wouldn’t I?”

Jay wrapped his arms around Alexei’s chest, tucking his head more firmly into the crook of his neck. “I’ll give you hugs, Alexei.”

“I know you will, kitten.” Alexei maneuvered his head back to give Jay a kiss, one much chaster than their earlier aggressive mouth mating (that was what it felt like sometimes to Jay when they were making out—a mating of their mouths).

“I have a photo. Do you want to see?” Jay felt a little shy suggesting it. But he’d never had anyone else to show. Soren hated any mention of the den, any sign of Jay’s lasting loyalty to Vee. And there was no one else who would have cared. But Jay knew Alexei would understand; he wouldn’t judge that Jay had held onto it.

Which he proved with his next words. “I’d love to, sweetheart.”

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