Page 58 of Soren

Gabe shook his head. “Not with someone I care about. Not since—since my dad.”

When Danny had been attacked the year before, Roman and Soren hadn’t let Gabe see him until he was cleaned up and presentable. Apparently they’d been worried Gabe would have a “complete and utter freak-out meltdown,” as Soren had put it.

Gabe had to admit their caution wasn’t totally without merit.

Soren sighed softly, his finger still mapping Gabe’s face. “It’s just the shoulder, really. Plus a couple broken ribs. I was waiting for those to heal themselves before I washed all this off.” He gestured at the blood covering his face.

“I’ll grab a cloth,” Jay offered from the doorway. Gabe turned with a start. He had forgotten Jay was even there.

The other vampire seemed relatively unfazed by Soren’s bloody visage. This was the same Jay who’d apparently had his mind blown by—and had gushed for over fifteen minutes about—the different flavors of Starburst candy. Gabe didn’t want to think what his blasé attitude over Soren’s appearance meant for what the two of them had seen together in that fucking vampire den.

Gabe turned back to Soren. His vampire was grinning broadly. That same smile Gabe had once found so unnerving became even more so with a blood-streaked face. “Why are you smiling?” Gabe asked gruffly, wondering if he should be concerned about a brain injury. “You look like fucking roadkill.”

“I fought back,” Soren answered gleefully. “I fought back this time.”

“Is this a ‘you should see the other guy’ kind of thing?”

“No.” Soren’s smile dropped, and he pursed his lips. “I broke his nose and bruised his balls, but those are probably all healed up by now. But still.” He grinned again. “I’ve never stood up for myself with him before. Not like that.”

It hurt Gabe’s heart to hear. “Why did you this time?”

Soren opened his mouth to answer but closed it again when Jay came back in with a wet washcloth in hand. Gabe took it from the vampire, wiping off Soren’s face with it, careful to use gentle strokes. Bedside manner was more Danny’s thing, but Gabe could be gentle, if he needed to be.

He could be gentle for Soren.

Gabe still only half believed his vampire didn’t have cuts of his own under the mess of blood. But Soren’s clean face was coming through unbruised and unbroken.

Beautiful.

Soren watched him through the whole process, a tenderness to his gaze that had Gabe’s chest aching.

When he’d cleaned Soren’s face as best as he was able, Gabe set the filthy washcloth aside. He wasn’t sure where Jay had gone, but that wasn’t really his concern right now. “How are your ribs?” he asked.

Soren shifted experimentally on the couch. “They’re fine now.”

“We should get you washed properly. I don’t want any of that asshole’s blood on you.”

Soren huffed at him. “Well, I don’t either. Obviously. Take a bath with me?”

“You’re—“

“I’m fine,” Soren reassured him, rising into a sitting position. “For once, I’m the one who wants cuddles.” He shot Gabe a smirk. “Take advantage while you can.”

Well, when he put it that way.

Gabe let himself be led upstairs.

Gabe ran his fingers under the water, testing out the temperature. He tried to ignore the way his hand was visibly shaking under the hot spray. The swirling knot in his stomach was back with a vengeance.

He was feeling too many things—anxious, angry, frustrated—to settle on any one emotion, other than just “bad.”

The thing was, Gabe knew his tried-and-true response to this kind of mess of feelings: avoidance. It was what he’d done with Danny and his mother—interact only with surface-level emotions, deny anything negative, push anything and anyone away that threatened to go deeper. But Gabe didn’t want to do that with Soren.

He didn’t want to be that person.

For so long, he’d put all his focus on being capable at work, on being a person his patients could rely on, but…no one else. And that just wasn’t fuckingenoughanymore. Gabe wanted to be someone the people he cared about could count on.

But…what if this turned into another full-blown panic attack? What if it happened in front of Soren, and then the person Gabe should be comforting became the person comfortinghiminstead? Gabe couldn’t protect Soren physically; he couldn’t be strong for him emotionally. What was the point?

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