Page 40 of Spoonful

Jaylin stared at his hands. He had tonight and Friday free, and then he was Brent’s for a week. Trading his body and whatever dignity he had left so that he continued to have a place to live and could pay for school in the desperate hope that he’d someday be in a better place.

“Jaylin…” Hiro sounded like he was in pain, but Jaylin couldn't bring himself to look up. “If there’s something I can do, you–you know you can talk to me, right?”

It was the final straw that broke him. Hiro was too good to him. Too goodforhim.

So Jaylin opened his mouth and ruined it.

“I’m with someone,” he said to his knees. He didn't dare a glance at Hiro. “Kind of. But it’s not—I don’t—” he took a shuddering breath. Fuck, this was so hard. “But I don’t want to be with him anymore.”

Chapter 10

There was silence after Jaylin admitted that he had essentially been using Hiro to cheat on the person he was currently with. They hadn’t even kissed or anything, Hiro had never eventouchedJaylin, but Jaylin knew it counted as emotional cheating. He had been greedy for Hiro’s attention, soaking up every kind word, each gentle, interested question, and in doing so, he’d been leading Hiro along for weeks.

Brent he didn't care about, but he’d been unfair to Hiro in every way.

He was kind of glad now that he hadn’t shown Hiro the notebook full of comic pages that were sitting in Jaylin’s bag. It seemed so stupid now. Pointless and childish and stupid.

He brought up a hand to scrub over his eyes.Fuck.“I’m sorry,” Jaylin forced out, knowing it would never be enough. “I can–I can get a ride home and get out of your hair. I won’t bother you again.”

“Jaylin…” Hiro sounded heartbroken, and when Jaylin managed to look up at him, because Hiro deserved that much, the raw expression on Hiro’s face made guilt burn like acid in Jaylin’s throat. He had done that. He had made Hiro look like that.

“I’m sorry,” Jaylin whispered again, and the words got caught as he tried to say them.

He needed to make himself get up and leave, but he couldn't get his body to move. It felt leaden, weighed down with guilt and shame. There was also a tiny part of him that just… didn't want to go yet. It wanted to prolong this last moment with Hiro, no matter how painful it was.

More greed, on Jaylin’s part, and he was so disgusted with himself by it that it finally propelled him to stand.

“Wait—!” Hiro reached out a hand. Jaylin froze, even though Hiro wasn't close enough to touch. Hiro never touched him. “Please don’t leave.”

“Why?” Jaylin spat, anger at himself spilling over into a barbed defense. “I already ruined everything, I-I proved just how worthless I am–”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Hiro snapped. The force of it was startling, though Hiro softened his voice right away. “You’re not worthless. And I’m not—I’m not mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

A wretched, bitter laugh escaped him as Jaylin fell back onto the couch. No matter how much he should leave, Hiro had asked him not to. Jaylin owed it to him to stay for whatever he wanted to say. “How can you even say that?”

Hiro took a deep breath and let it out, shoulders straightening in a way that had Jaylin sitting up at attention too. “Because I’m pretty sure you’re not with your current… partner because you want to be. And… and sometimes people do things because they don’t have any other choice.”

“I did choose though,” Jaylin admitted in a tiny voice. “I chose to… be with him.”

“Okay.” Hiro looked at Jaylin like he could see right through him. “Why?”

Because I was desperate.Jaylin didn't say.

Because I couldn’t get anywhere, no matter how hard I tried.

Because I wanted just a chance at something better, someday.

Something inside him cracked and Jaylin opened his mouth.

“I couldn’t afford school and also pay for food and rent. He… he offered to comp my classes in exchange for… me.” Jaylin had to break eye contact again as he said it out loud. “He had all these rules he wanted me to follow, and he didn’t want me to work because it’d ‘take away from my studies’ so I couldn’t even get a job to try to save up to pay my own way and…” Jaylin trailed off miserably. Hiro didn't need to hear a sob story. Jaylin had made his own bed.

Hiro nodded. He had smoothed out his expression so that no anger or disgust showed through, but his hands were clenched in his lap. “Does he hurt you?”

It was the last question Jaylin expected, but he opened his mouth to sayno.It wasn’t like Brent smacked him around. Not like other people had. He just made Jaylin uncomfortable and humiliated him. Pushed his boundaries and dug his fingers in too hard and sunk his teeth too deep.

At Jaylin’s silence, Hiro’s lips thinned. “How can I help?”

“W-what?”

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