Page 2 of Spoonful

He played the numbers over in his mind, calculating the formulas for the two-sample t-test. According to the numbers, there was definitely sufficient evidence that there was a significant difference in the average test scores between the two groups at the .05 level.

Right. Okay.

He put his pencil to the paper and did his best to concentrate on writing out the formulas to show his work, trying not to scowl at the way the numbers jumped around on the page. He hated this, hated so much how stupid he was. How hard it was to write out simple formulas. Being so tired made it even harder to focus, and he hated that too.

Brent fuckingknewthat Jaylin had tutoring on Saturday mornings. He kept a strict eye on Jaylin’s schedule and monitored where Jaylin was and what he was doing on any given day. Jaylin had gotten used to it, the specific chime and ringtone he’d assigned Brent’s texts and calls going off at all hours of the day and night demanding Jaylin’s time and attention. When Jaylin began classes last September, Brent also started making Jaylin report in on what he was covering in his classes, his assignments, and his grades.

He said it was to ensure Jaylin wasn't throwing away his tuition money. Jaylin was pretty sure it was more that it gave Brent another avenue of control over Jaylin’s life. But whatever. It was paying Jaylin’s bills, and that was the deal.

Brent thought that Jaylin wanting to be a paralegal was “cute,” and he was willing to entertain Jaylin’s stupid little dream, as long as Jaylin entertained him. He sometimes made comments about how paralegals were expected to be able toreadcourt cases and documents, but so what? It wasn’t like he was wrong.

Jaylin was well aware he didn't have it in him to try law school. Not with how he could barely read. But he wanted to dosomethingin law. Act as a support in a Family Law office that actually tried to do good work. Maybe do his best to make a difference in some kid’s shitty-ass life.

The kind of difference he’d never gotten.

He wasn’t going to be working for a lawyer like Brent, he knew that for absolute certain. Jaylin spent enough time under people like Brent as it was.

He slowly scratched out the steps to what he hoped was the right answer, taking his time to make the numbers as neat as possible, doing his best to keep from writing any of them upside-down or backwards. He just had to make it to graduation. He’d been out of school for almost three years trying to scape bywithout an education before he’d started at Oakland Community College. Now he was working his ass off to keep up with his classes, muddling along as best he could in the face of a deluge of reading and writing assignments.

In his first semester he’d been able to manage a 3.6 GPA. It had taken hours and hours bent over notebooks and computer screens trying to make the letters and numbers he was reading stay still long enough for him to read them, gritting his teeth against tears of frustration. But he’d done it. All by himself.

He’d been kind of proud, at the end of his first semester, to get that letter in the mail letting him know he’d madesumma cum laudestatus by getting over a 3.5 GPA. He’d shown the letter to Brent, because Brent insisted on seeing all the correspondence Jaylin got from school. Brent had given him that smirk-smile he always got when he thought Jaylin was being amusing.

“Very good, pet. You’ve managed to keep up with all the students fresh out of high school.”

Jaylin didn’t care that Brent was right, that all he’d managed to do was keep up with the high school kids. That letter was proof that he was actually sort of capable, even if only a little bit.

If he could just finish out community college with a good GPA, he could take the test to become a certified paralegal. If he passedthat,he could actually work in the field. It wasn’t too much of a stretch to think that he could manage some sort of entry-level job somewhere. Leave Brent behind. He could do it.

He just needed to last for a couple more years.

And make sure Brent didn't get bored of him in the meantime.

“You’re doing that thing again,” Aditi said.

Jaylin tore his eyes away from his notebook. “What thing?”

“The thing where I can’t tell if you’re concentrating or spacing out,” Aditi said, chewing on the end of her sleek black braid. “Like, I don’t care which one it is, but just let me know when you’re done, cause I have something to tell you.”

Jaylin fought the urge to shake his head. Fuck, he was sotired.“You could tell me now.”

Aditi nodded, but now looked a little guilty. Jaylin tried not to let his hackles rise. “You know how I said I’d help you find someone to help you with your business law classes?”

Jaylin gave her a confused look. “No, you didn’t?” He had mentioned that he was having trouble in his business law class, but it wasn't because of the class itself. That was kind of fun, doing the logic of figuring out how to make the law work in his favor. It was just that reading all the text was a struggle for him. Which was something he definitely hadn’t mentioned.

It was bad enough he was so stupid he could barely read. He wasn't about to share justhowdumb he was to the literal smartest person he had ever met.

“No, no,” Aditi said loftily, waving a hand and looking incredibly suspicious now. “I totally did. I said,oh yeah, I bet I could figure out a way to make it easier.And then I said I knew a guy who could help.”

“You... definitely didn’t do that,” Jaylin said, staring at her. “I would have remembered us having this conversation. Also I would have said something along the line’s of,no, it’s fine, I’m good figuring it out on my own.”

“Anyway,” Aditi continued, completely ignoring him. “My brother’s friend is a lawyer, and he said he’d be happy to tutor you.”

Jaylin’s cheeks heated, at once embarrassed and ashamed. A part of him appreciated Aditi wanting to help. He’d never had anyone really want to help him before without wanting something in return.

Still. “Look, that’s—that’s really nice,” Jaylin started. “Thanks for thinking of me. But I couldn’t ask for that kind of help.” Certainly not from an actual lawyer, not before Jaylin knew a bit more about how to work around his reading issues. All he’d do was make a fool of himself.

“It’d be good practice,” Aditi said reasonably. “He’s all fancy and stuff. He like, has to wear a suit to work and everything.”

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