Page 16 of Into the Shadows

Ignoring the ache in my chest, I watch her get in and back out of the driveway. I don't close the door until her car is a speck in the distance.

Pissing her off wasn't exactly in my plan. Granted, I didn’t have a plan to begin with, other than false hope that I wouldn't have to see her anytime soon. I definitely didn't think it would be a week after I moved in. Then again, I don't think I could prepare for anything around Lottie.

Meeting her was a freak occurrence in itself.

I don’t like being the asshole in her story. Chasing away her smile is the opposite of what I want, but I don’t have a choice. She’s never going to be mine, so the sooner I accept the reality, the better.

All I need is a place to settle. Somewhere I can live peacefully, without the demons in my head getting any louder.

If I can find some quiet, I might just be able to survive this life.

Chapter 9

To: Charlotte Jackson

From: William Kavanagh

Subject: Memories [unsent draft]

Sparkles,

Haveyou ever felt so dirty that it wouldn’t matter how many showers you took, you’d never feel clean again? I think my eyeballs are the only part of me not covered in mud. You’d probably laugh at how ridiculous I look.

God, what I wouldn’t give to see your smile right now.

The worst part is, I’m tired. So fucking exhausted I can’t get myself to the hose to wash off. Yeah, we literally have a hose outside our camp to keep from ruining the showers in the barracks.

It’s in these quiet moments that I think back to the day Isigned up for the Marines. I never imagined I’d be deployed in this heat-oppressed country, crawling through the mud to do recon on a target we haven’t been able to pin down yet.

At the same time, I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. Joining up allowed me to escape the ghosts of my past. Those memories cling to me as hard as the mud on my skin. Unfortunately for me, I can’t wash those off as easily. They’re always going to be a part of me, no matter what I do. It’s one of the many reasons I can’t afford to send this email to you. You’re a bright spot in the distance. I want to reach out to you, but I know the minute I do, my shadows will put out your light.

I’d rather die than drag you down into the mud I live in every day.

-T

Chapter 10

Lottie

The bitter taste of beer floods my mouth as I take a long gulp.

“Dude, I swear. The dildo was the size of my arm,” Carson exclaims, holding said arm in the air.

“And she just left it sitting out?” Michael looks at him in shock. His dark curly hair is a mess on top of his head, and his dark brown eyes are almost identical to his dad's, even though he was adopted when he was ten. Our other best friend, Ryan, sits next to him. His cheeks are pink, and the blush is spreading down his neck.

“It happens more often than you think,” Carson says. He works construction with Ryan's dad, Levi, and always has some ridiculous story about a homeowner.

Gia tilts her head to the side. “All I have to say about that is,go girl.” She makes a face as if she's imagining taking a dildo the size of Carson's arm, and it's not quite computing.

“What did you do?” Ryan asks.

“Nothing. Just left it there. The other guys make jokes, but we just move on and do our job.”

“I am so glad nothing like that happens to me at the flower shop,” Ryan says quietly.

I drain my bottle and stand from the floor in front of the couch where we’ve gathered. The five of us spend a lot of time together. Six, if you include Ginny when she joins us on FaceTime.

After what happened with Teddy the other day, Gia and I decided we needed to gather the Scooby-Doo Gang for a distraction. Embarrassment still fills me over the whole thing. I felt like I was eighteen again, trying to convince the cool guy to like me. I’m so mortified I haven’t been able to enjoy the fact that he’s actually alive.

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