Page 73 of Forbidden Desire

I’m still peeved I didn’t run into her today. I tried and failed the breakroom again, vowing to not do it again. I can only take so much of seeing how paranoid people are in my presence, and I miss going out to lunch. She must have stayed late or cut out early because she wasn’t in the lobby when I loitered there.

“What’s troubling you? I thought this was a celebration.”

Of course, my mother sees right through me.

“Nothing, Mama.”

“Mhmmm…” she says, unconvinced. “Is it that girl?”

“What girl?”

“The one I met in your office. The one you saynothingis going on with.”

“Nothing is.” I sigh. “It’s my fault…I said some things…”

My mother reaches for my hand. “Sometimes you let your emotions get the best of you, mijo. Something you get from your father.”

I grimace.

“It’s not always a bad thing, though. I know when you find love, it will bring out the best emotions in you. Just don’t be so quick to cut people out of your life. Okay?”

I nod, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. I know I need to find Erica and make things right. I just have to get up the guts to do it.

Chapter 35

Erica

After dinner the other night, and after I put Josie to bed, Beth, Sadie, and I stayed up scouring the web for a family lawyer with a reasonable cost. Not an easy feat when looking in Manhattan, but we were able to find one. I’m meeting her today during my lunch break, and am feeling particularly nervous about it. I’ve never needed a lawyer for anything, and now I’m hiring one to help me keep custody of my daughter.

I perused my closet, trying to find an outfit that saysI’m a good mom and a hard worker.I don’t know why I feel the need to impress this woman. As long as she’s paid by me, it doesn’t matter what I look like. She is going to represent me. I just want to look the part.

Finally, I settle on a black pantsuit and a pale blue pinstriped button-down. I smooth the creases in the mirror, scolding myself for not giving the suit a good steam, but there’s no timenow. I don’t want to be late for work. In fact, I want to be extra early, to avoid any run-ins with Marco.

I still don’t know what to make of the flowers. They sit on my coffee table looking beautiful, but also sending some sort of message that I can’t translate. It could be he really is sorry, or it could be something else. I don’t know what his underlying motive is, hence the lawyer. I can’t be too careful.

I saw how angry he was after he discovered the truth about Josie. The look in his eyes and the tone of voice he used when he told me to leave his apartment, and later in his office when he said he wished he never met me. It was a side of him I had never seen before. He was so cold that it sent a shiver straight through me. I try to put myself in his shoes, though. I would have probably reacted the same exact way.

Scooping Josie up from her playpen, I give her a kiss on the cheek, leaving a trail of lipstick behind. I gently rub at it with my thumb as she reaches for my own cheeks, opening and closing her fingers. I lean in and let her take a hold of my face. She just looks at me with those big brown eyes of hers, and I look right back at her. A little frozen moment in time between us that I want to hold on for forever.

I wonder if she can sense my unease lately, if she’s trying to soothe me. She’s not even a year old yet and is already trying to take care of me. My eyes water at the thought.

“Don’t worry about me,” I whisper.

She squeezes my cheeks and giggles, making my heart swell. I swing her around my bedroom while she laughs maniacally. I stop and look around my room. My apartment. This place that we’ve called home. It’s small, but it’s enough for us.

I know I can’t give her all that Marco can, and maybe a judge would rule that in his favor. But I’m her mother. That’s something he can’t take away from me.

“Let’s go to work, okay?”

“Tay,” says Josie.

Thirty minutes later, I look through the glass doors to the lobby, making sure Marco isn’t around. When I see the coast is clear, I take Josie up to the daycare. She’s become a favorite around there. They tell me she’s such an easy baby, and also very curious. I can see how much she loves it there in the times I come and visit her. Sometimes, I’ll just stand out of view to watch her play without her knowing I’m there. She’s becoming such a little person.

“Hello, Miss Josie! Hello, Erica!” says the young daycare worker.

“She’s ready for the day!” I say, handing Josie over to her.

“Will you be visiting at lunch today?”

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