Page 125 of Forbidden Desire

Chapter 59

Erica

Iwatch my brother walk out the door, in disbelief at everything that’s happened. Not only did Marco tell me he loved me, but I told him I loved him back, and now my brother knows the truth about everything. Everything I was so fearful of seems to have dissipated, leaving me with so much to be grateful for. I feel foolish for ever being scared in the first place.

It would have saved Marco and me so much hurt. A hurt I regret inflicting on him because I love him so much, and see how much he loves me and Josie. I can’t take any of it back, and maybe it’s wrong to wish I could. Maybe our story was meant to be like this. Maybe this is how it is supposed to end after everything.

Even if I could have avoided keeping a secret from my family, mostly my brother, which was the hardest thing ever. Even if Josie could have had her father in her life for her first bout of life.Maybe all of it was supposed to lead to this. It’s better late than never.

I look over at Marco now. He’s holding Josie like he’s done it since she was born at the hospital. He is made for this. Her hands are on his cheeks and she’s staring at him with a smile I swear she saves for him, and he’s smiling back at her in a smile that’s just for her. She’s his daughter. He’s her father. There’s no denying that. There’s no stopping this bond that’s between them, and I don’t want to.

He looks up at me, his face still clutched by her tiny hands and I can see his eyes are teary. This look right here feels like it’s breaking my heart and mending it back together. I smile at him, realizing just how much I love this man. I love him for Josie, and I love him for me, for our family.

I take a step toward them, putting my hand on Josie’s back as my other hand searches for his. He clasps it gently, our fingers intertwining. It’s the smallest gesture, but it’s everything to me. Being here with the two people I love the most in this world, finally feeling like we are finding our footing. I know what I want to do to prove to Marco that I’m truly in this. I take a shaky breath and look at my daughter.

“Josie girl, this is your dada,” I say to her softly.

I hear Marco suck in a breath and I know how much weight my words carry as they fall around us in the hallway of my apartment. Josie looks at me, her brows furrowed. She’s not even one and probably has no idea what I’m talking about, butfor some reason, it feels like she understands. I think she knew when she met Marco. Now, I see it in the way she looks from me to Marco and smiles. True happiness.

He gives her a smile that’s difficult for him to muster through the tears that fall down his cheeks. I want to kiss them away, but Josie beats me to it and leans her face in, smooshing it against his. He lets out a soft laugh and she pulls away, her own face wet from his tears. She has her own way of wiping his tears away and it makes me giggle. He wipes her cheeks with his thumb, as more tears fall from his eyes.

“Come,” I say, tugging at his hand gently.

I lead them both to the living room where we settle in on the couch. She sits on his lap and he puts his arm around me, pulling me close. We don’t say anything for a while. Even Josie seems content in the silence. I rest my head on Marco’s shoulder and breathe him in. His cologne mixes with the baby scent of our daughter, and it’s my new favorite smell. She keeps looking from me to him with so much light in her eyes. I realize this is the first time she’s seen us be this close. So together. I know it’s the start of something good for all of us.

Not only are we a family, but I’ve found my person. It’s a new beginning in so many ways. It feels too big for my heart to grasp as it beats contently in my chest.

After a bit, Josie grows restless and wriggles out of Marco’s lap and crawls toward her basket of toys on the floor. She plops down and looks at us still sitting on the couch, embracing eachother. She gives us a look that makes us laugh. It’s as if she’s saying “What are you waiting for? Play with me.”

“How can someone so small, with a very limited vocabulary, say so much with one look?” asks Marco out of the side of his mouth, his eyes on Josie.

I laugh out loud and pull him to the floor with me. We spend the next hour playing with Josie, laughing and snuggling. I don’t even care that it’s past her bedtime. I’m just enjoying this moment with my family.Family. It still feels so weird to believe this is real. I can see that Marco is feeling the same way in the way he looks at Josie. At me.

Eventually, Josie rubs her eyes and lets out a long yawn, signaling that it’s time for bed. While I don’t want this moment to end, I know there will be more nights like this all together. The thought makes it easier. The thought of spending more time with Marco, just us two, also makes it easier. The thought makes my heart thump wildly in my chest.

“You sleepy, Josie?” I ask.

She yawns again and answers my question.

“Time for the bedtime routine?” asks Marco, looking at me with a smile. I realize he’s missed it the past few days. It’s nice to have him back. Not for the help, but for the companionship.

“Bath. Book. Bed,” I say with a nod.

“Let’s do it.” He reaches for my hand and pulls me to my feet before scooping Josie up, leading us both to the bathroom.

I watch from the doorway as he runs the water, using the back of his hand to check the temperature and adding just the right amount of bubbles. He helps Josie out of her onesie and gently places her in the tub. He looks back at me standing and observing. He’s such a good dad, and he’s only getting started. He nods for me to join him. I walk over and kneel next to him on the bath rug.

Josie then slams her hands in the water, covering us with bubbles. I look over at him, our faces coated in lavender-scented bubbles, and laugh. He leans in and kisses me and when we pull apart, Josie is looking at us in awe. She lets out a squeal and splashes excitedly.There’s more of that to come, I think to myself. I want her to grow up seeing what real love is, and I can give that to her now. It makes my heart swell.

I can give her what my parents couldn’t, and maybe that’s why I’ve been so fearful being a mother. I thought I could do this on my own, giving her all my love and hoping it would be enough. I figured it was better than seeing two people drifting past one another like ships in the night, without showing or speaking words of affection. Little did I know, letting Marco into our lives would show her more love than I remember seeing in my years growing up. I can see that now, in just this night together.

Once Josie is dried off and in her pajamas for the night, she and Marco settle into the glider in her nursery with one of her favorite books. He reads it to her, but his eyes are on me, and I realize he’s practically memorized it from the other nights he’sread to her. I know what he’s thinking as he’s looking at me, and I find myself blushing as I ready her crib. His eyes dance with laughter before finding their way back to the book and Josie in his lap. His voice is animated and it’s keeping her drowsy eyes from fluttering all the way closed.

Marco carries her over to where I wait by the crib and gently places her inside. He leans down and kisses her on the forehead before whispering good night. He pulls away and stands beside me.

I lean down and give Josie a kiss. “I love you,” I whisper. “I love your dada, too.”

I feel Marco’s hand find mine and give it a squeeze in a quiet reciprocation. Josie smiles sleepily up at us before her eyes flutter closed, no longer able to fight sleep. I run my hand over her soft hair.

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