Page 123 of Forbidden Desire

“Go? Go where?”

“Go tell him you love him, you idiot.” He throws a pillow at me this time, careful to avoid Josie who is sitting in my lap curiously listening to our conversation. I set her on the floor from my lap, and stand up unsurely. I look to my brother, who still has that know-it-all expression on his face. I feel bad for leaving Josie with him. Again.

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“I’m a dad, remember. I know what I’m doing.”

I nod. Right, of course he is. He’s been a dad longer than I have been a parent. I don’t think that’s what is stopping me right now. I’m about to tell Marco I love him, and freefall into the unknown, just hoping he loves me back.That’swhat is stopping me.

But I know the longer I wait here, the bigger chance I have of losing him after what we talked about tonight. How I hurt him. I need to get to him now to fix everything.

“Thank you,” I say to Troy. “For everything.”

I turn and leave the room, my pace swift as I walk to the door, like I’m running out of time. I quickly open it and stop in my tracks when the person I was going to see is right here in front of me. Marco is here.

Chapter 58

Marco

Ilower my raised hand that’s about to knock on the door when I see Erica standing before me. She looks completely stunned, and I wonder where she’s going. She looks up at me nervously, her lips parted slightly, but nothing comes out. The words I rehearsed on the way here don’t come out either. We stand in silence just looking at each other. It feels comfortable, as if the words I have yet to say are already known. I have this strange feeling that she was on her way to see me.

As I stare into her green eyes, they’re changing from a forest storm to new leaves beginning to bloom, and that’s how I feel about us. The storms we’ve endured together, and apart, have led us to a new beginning. Here. Now.

Our future is just inside the apartment behind her. I can hear Josie’s giggles drifting toward me, and it makes me hopeful for the future I hope to have with her. With Erica. As a real family.I’ve had a small glimpse of what that life can be like. At the daycare and at the diner and at the zoo. In the evenings we’ve spent together, just us three. If it’s any preview of what our life can be, then I want the feature film to begin as soon as possible.

I know that even if Josie had never come to be, though a sadder world, that the woman before me isthe one. She is it for me. I knew it before I found out about Josie. Now, I just need to convince her that I’m the one for her.

Before I can say anything, I see her brother come to the door with Josie in his arms. He’s looking at Erica and me with a curious smile on his face. I had forgotten that he might be here still. I feel my face burn being caught in this moment with his sister. He bends down and places Josie in her stroller, buckling her up.

“I think I’ll take Josie for a little walk,” he says with a little smirk.

Erica and I don’t say anything, we just step aside, making room for him to roll Josie out of the apartment. Once he’s down the hall and we are sure he’s out of earshot, Erica looks to me.

“Do you want to come in?” she asks, her voice shaky.

“Sure.” I nod.

I follow her inside her apartment, and we both take a seat on her couch.

“You came back,” she says, more like a question than a statement.

I take a deep breath, trying to remember the words I tried to memorize on the car ride here, wanting everything to come out perfectly. But my mind blanks and my mouth opens, letting unrehearsed words pour out of me, and somehow that’s better. It’s real.

“I did,” I say. “I came back because I never should have left. I should have stayed when you asked me to. Not because you needed help with Josie. You’re an amazing mother. I see it in the little human Josie is becoming, but I also see it inyouand all you do for her. In all you’vedonefor her. Your love is fierce. Protective. True. I know you can do it all on your own, but I don’t want you to.”

I see Erica swallow hard, absorbing the words I’m saying to her. I hope she believes them.

“I want to be here. I want to be here for it all. The early mornings. The nighttime feedings. The diaper changes. The bubbly bathtimes. The story times. The milestones. I don’t want to miss any more time with my daughter, but only if you let me.

“I know you’re scared. I know it’s not easy to let someone into the world you two have built together. I won’t push you to do anything you’re not ready for. If you’re never ready, then I’ll accept that. It will be damn hard, but I will. You’re her mother, and I would never take that away from you. I’m sorry you ever thought I would.”

A tear falls down her cheek, and I so badly want to reach out and wipe it away. I want to wipe every tear away. I resist the urge to reach out and touch her face because I have to get this all out, and if I get any closer, I won’t be able to resist pressing my lips to hers.

“I love Josie,” I continue. “I want to be a real family. You, me, and her. I want to eat dinner together every night. I want us to take her to the zoo. The movies. Playdates. School. Soccer practice. I want to do it together. Us three because not only do I love Josie, but I loveyou.”

Another tear falls down her cheek. I can’t resist the urge to wipe it away this time, so I reach out slowly and gently swipe it away, unsure if it’s a happy tear or a sad tear. She closes her eyes at my touch, but doesn’t pull away. I know everything is complicated right now, and maybe everything I’m saying is too much for her. I’m not trying to confuse her or make her life more complicated than it is. I just know if I never say this, I’ll always regret it, wondering “what if.”

“I love you, Erica. I think I have for a while. I don’t care if your family knows about me. I don’t care if anyone knows about me. None of that matters, as long as I have you. And Josie. As long as we are together, then I’d be a happy man. I’d be whole. I’d be happy.”

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