Page 112 of Forbidden Desire

Ever since he told me how he handled the employee in the daycare, I feel much more comfortable. Safe. Josie is back to coming with me to work, which is convenient for me, but also makes her happy. She loves it there. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t sexy knowing Marco took control of the situation and shut it down to protect our daughter before any other tabloid articles got wind of her. He did it without me even asking in a situation I felt helpless in. I’m sure it was to protect himself, too. And me. Still, I found myself impressed by his actions.

“Calm down,” I think to myself, looking down at my phone with the text notification. I pick it up and eagerly open the message.

Marco:You’re looking at the new owner of the Toronto Times.

I feel a flush of pride for him and his new accomplishment, and the fact that he wants to share the news with me.

Me:I knew you’d get it. Congrats!

Marco:Can we celebrate when I get back?

I take a deep breath as I read his text again. There’s no mention of Josie, just that he wants to celebrate. I wonder if he means the three of us, or just us two. Either one, I’d be happy with, but the idea of us being alone together scares me and thrills me at the same time. It’s been a while since our night together, when the next morning everything exploded in our faces.

I think about what to respond back with, and soon see three dots bounce on the screen. He’s typing. I wait to see what he says.

Marco:Dinner at that new restaurant in midtown? You, me, and Josie.

I let out the breath I’ve been holding. It’s like he knew what I was thinking and gave me the clarification I needed before my mind ran away from me.

Me:Sounds perfect.

Marco:I’ll be back tomorrow.

Truthfully, I was hoping he would come back tonight. I can’t help but feel disappointed knowing I won’t see him for a little while longer.

Erica:Safe travels!

I set my phone on my desk and sit back in my chair, stretching my arms overhead before slumping forward again. I miss him. As much as I’ve tried not to, I do. As much as I’ve pretended I don’t, I do. Josie does, too. Every night around 6:30, she looks to the door, hopeful that there will be a knock. I do, too.

It’s been nice having someone to spend our evenings with, especially when it’s in the form of a handsome and charming man. One who is patient and does everything with Josie with great care, from holding her to reading her books to drawing her a bubble bath and making sure the temperature is just right.

One who listens to me intently, makes me laugh, and makes me feel things I haven’t felt in so long. I long for him when he’s away, and even when he’s sitting next to me on the couch. It’s almost cruel to know what his lips feel like against mine or how his large hands take control of my body with a gentle grip that I succumb to eagerly, knowing I might never experience it again. Curse us for doing everything backward.

The last night he was here, I almost asked him to stay. Josie was already asleep and we were settled in our usual spot on the couch. The conversation was easy and I felt so effortlessly myselfaround him, poking him with my usual sarcastic humor that I don’t use with just anyone. He took it like a champ, serving it right back.

My bedroom was right there. It would have been so easy to lead him to it, but I couldn’t get myself to do it, no matter how much I longed for him. I wonder if he would have said yes if I had asked him to stay. Lying in bed that night, I imagined he was there next to me.

Would it complicate things? Would it ruin everything we’ve been through to get to this point? I don’t even know what we are. Friends? Co-workers? Co-parents? Dating? All of the above? Whatever we are, it’s working right now, and Josie is happy. I try to remind myself that at the end of the day, this is for her. I don’t want to ruin that for her.

As much as I think about being with Marco again and how nice it is to have him around, I also don’t like the idea of relying on him. On anyone. I’ve been doing this whole thing with Josie for a while now, and though it’s been a lot of work, it’s been safer knowing that no one will let me down. The only person who can mess up is me, and I’ve done my fair share, but that’s easier than trusting in someone else.

I’ve seen how Marco’s moods can change. It’s like a snap of the fingers and he’s a completely different person. Cold. Distant. Angry. I’ve seen certain dark parts of him, and it scares me. I can’t imagine how Josie would feel if she were to know that side of him. But then again, I’m the reason behind the darkness. I caused the storm by accidentally dropping a bomb on him. Ifsomeone had kept something that big from me, I wonder how I would react.

My phone buzzes on my desk, breaking me from my thoughts. It’s Sadie calling. I suddenly feel nervous. I haven’t talked to her in a little while, which is unusual for us. I think I’ve been avoiding her ever since I let Marco back in my life. I’m just not ready to face what she has to say. She’s my best friend, and usually her blunt honesty is welcome, but I’m enjoying my bubble with Marco and Josie. I don’t want anyone to pop it.

“Hello?” I answer.

“I was starting to wonder where my best friend disappeared to…” Sadie says.

“I’m still here. I promise.”

“Good. Are you free for lunch?”

“In thirty minutes…” I reply.

“Good. I’ll swing by your work.”

“See you soon!”

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