Page 99 of Forbidden Desire

She never told me the truth about everything, but as I got older, I was smart enough to figure it out. Little things like my father’s brush of a thigh or eyes lingering too long where they shouldn’t stuck in my memory, until I was at an age old enough to realize what was really going on. I hated him for it, but never confronted him, for my mother’s sake. If she wanted to pretend, then I would too.

I wish she found love again.Reallove. But she didn’t. She stayed with him until the end, and has been alone ever since. It’s probably a nice break after being married to such a heartless man for so long.

I haven’t thought much about my father until recently. It’s like meeting my daughter makes me think of my own upbringing. I didn’t really realize until now how much my father’s absence and cruelty had affected me until now. He’s shaped me in ways I resent him for. Being untrusting of people, solely focused on work, avoiding of women and love, scared of being a father.

But now I am one. It wasn’t something I asked for, much like my father’s own situation, but I refuse to be anything like him. While becoming a father wasn’t what I pictured for myself, I am one, and I’m thankful for it. In fact, I’m in love with it. I’m in love with my daughter. It’s a shame my father couldn’t experience that same love. If he had, maybe things would have been different for him. For my mother.

Things will be different formethough. Things will be different for Josie, but only if I can continue being in her life. Then I will prove what an amazing father I can be. I just have to prove that to Erica. I need to find a way to make her change her mind about the custody papers. I know I don’t want to take her to court. It would be too painful for everyone, and I would hate for Josie to resent me in the future. I either find a way to get these custody papers withdrawn or I lose Josie forever, and Erica along with her. The thought makes me want to open another bottle, but I don’t. I don’t need any more uninvited ghosts from my past.

Chapter 47

Erica

Iclutch Josie to me as I open the heavy glass doors to the restaurant, quickly scanning the room for my brother. I’m thirty minutes late, and from the sound of his voice on the phone he is not happy about it. I had completely forgotten we had made plans for dinner tonight, between everything going on with Marco and the issue of Josie’s custody.

I spot him in a corner booth, drumming his fingers on the table top when he spots me. He barely smiles as he cocks his head irritably. I walk quickly toward him, bypassing the hostess stand.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, settling into the booth with Josie.

He looks from me to his niece, and around the restaurant that surrounds us. The booths are a deep navy blue with gold trim and they surround marble tabletops with intricate candlesticksin the center. The walls around us are wrapped in a detailed wallpaper that up close looks entirely different from the mural seen from afar. It catches the light from the enormous crystal chandeliers scattered across the crown molding ceilings. It’s not lost on me that it’s a high-end Michelin star hot spot, and I look completely out of place in jeans, a tank top, and a baby in pajamas.

“I didn’t realize Josie would be joining us for our five-course meal tonight. Is she into steak these days?” asks Troy sarcastically.

“Ha ha. Look, I completely forgot about tonight. How long have you been here?”

“Oh, thirty minutes now,” says Troy, looking at his watch.

“Enough time for an old-fashioned,” I say, offering a guilty smile.

He rolls his eyes and gives Josie a gentle stroke of his finger against her cheek.

“Mommy is a scatterbrain, isn’t she?” he says in a baby voice.

“Oh shhh.” I shove him playfully. “What number did you call me on?”

“I got a new phone.” He shrugs, picking up the latest model. “Why did you sound so freaked out when you picked up?”

“I-I thought you were someone else.”

Turns out he wasn’t Marco’s attorney letting me know we were going to court, much to my relief. Though, I know I should be prepared for it.

Troy looks at me curiously, like he’s trying to figure me out. I hate when he does that. I beg for the waitress to come by and interrupt to take my drink order. A glass of cabernet sounds like just what I need right now.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you,” says Troy warily. “But I’m worried.”

“I’m fine,” I say, still looking for the waitress.

“You can lie to me all you want, but think about Josie.”

“I always think about Josie,” I say sternly, shooting him a look.

“You just seem stressed all the time. I want my niece’s mom to be happy and stress-free,” he says, looking to Josie who is reaching out for him.

I reluctantly hand her over to him, even though I’m annoyed by the conversation. I know my brother means well, but I also know where this conversation is leading. Where it always does, when he offers to help me, and by help me, give me money. I’ve never accepted it, and there have been plenty of times we’ve had this same conversation. He calls me stubborn. I call it prideful. I’vemade it this far on my own without the help of my family name or their fortune.

I finally see the waitress approaching with a hesitant look on her face when she sees Josie sitting on Troy’s lap.

“Hello. I’m so sorry to interrupt, but we really don’t allow children here,” she says softly.

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