Page 93 of Forbidden Desire

I’ve spent the past almost two years keeping my pregnancy and my daughter a secret, trying to protect her from the outside world. Trying to protect her from her father, and all the dangerous components that come with him. I feel like I’ve failed her because I got swept up by Marco and his charm that I’m sure he uses on everyone. How could I have been so stupid?

I raise my hand, signaling for the waitress. She brings over the bill and I shove cash in the fold of the black leather envelope. I want to get out of here. I feel like I’m suffocating. I grab the tabloid and shove it in my bag, right next to the custody papers.If only someone could see all the secrets that are crammed in here.

I lift Josie up from her highchair and get her settled in her stroller. We catch the next subway to my work. I don’t want to bring her with me. I feel like she’s not safe anywhere. If it was the daycare staff leaking information, then it’s the last place I want her to go. But I don’t have a choice. I walk through the lobby doors, keeping my head down, ignoring the usual greetings from the lobby staff. I feel like I’ll snap at them. I quickly drop Josie off at daycare, avoiding eye contact with any of the workers. As I leave, I don’t know what I’m about to do, but I’m on my way to see Marco.

I approach his office, avoiding checking in with Jessica who oversees all of his meetings. He might not even be here yet. I don’t even knock on the door before I open the door and push my way inside. I find him sitting at his desk, looking through paperwork. He looks up suddenly at my entrance and raises his eyebrows in surprise. They quickly falter to a furrow as he stands up slowly from his desk.

“Erica…What is it? What’s wrong?” he asks slowly.

I rummage through my bag and pull out the manila envelope with custody papers. The words I’ve tried and failed to come up with don’t even matter in this moment. I’m too angry to care about carefully delivering them. Instead, I slam the envelope down on his desk, causing his other papers to fly and float down to the ground.

He looks down at the envelope, confusion in his eyes. He slowly picks it up and lifts the flap. I watch as he slides out the papers and his eyes scan over the legal jargon.

“What is this?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. It would probably break my heart into pieces if I wasn’t so angry.

“It’s custody papers. To sign away your parental rights,” I say firmly.

Chapter 44

Marco

Ican’t believe the words that are coming out of Erica’s mouth, but as I look over the papers in my hands, I realize that she is indeed asking for me to sign away my rights to our daughter. My eyes skim over the legal jargon before me, with certain words popping out at me like I’m wearing 3D glasses.

Custody.

Paternal rights

Terminated.

Permanently.

It’s like the words have been highlighted and bolded, landing on me like blows to my stomach, leaving me fighting for breath.I don’t understand this at all. Erica went to a lawyer to get these drawn up. She made the conscious effort to go through the process of finding said lawyer, making an appointment, and requesting these papers to get drawn up. This wasn’t something on a whim. This was thought out, planned, and paid for, and I was blissfully unaware of it.

“I don’t understand,” I say slowly, laying the papers down on my desk in disbelief.

“It’s all right there. Take them to your attorney if you don’t understand,” says Erica coolly. She’s ignoring the real question here.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask.

“I made a mistake of letting you into her life.”

“It’s not a mistake.” I shake my head. “She’s the best thing…”

“Don’t,” says Erica, putting up her hand. “You barely know her.”

“I don’t have to know her to love her. To feel that bond—”

“Don’t make it harder than it has to be,” she interrupts me.

“I won’t accept this.” I look down at the papers. “Ican’taccept this.” The words are choked.

None of this makes sense. It feels like my world is spinning, like I’m in some sort of storm and Josie is being ripped away from me. I see her face fading from view, her little hands outstretched toward me. I have to sit down to steady myself, as if it will help me navigate out of the nightmare it feels like I’m in. But it’s not a bad dream. It’s real.

I slump in my desk chair, staring at the papers before me, wishing their cruelty was shoved back in the manila envelope they were delivered in. Wishing they were never typed. Never thought up.

I can’t even look up at Erica, but I can feel her coldness. It’s such a stark contrast from where we were a few days ago. She wasn’t exactly warm at the zoo, but she wasn’t like this. I thought we were getting somewhere, the two of us. The three of us. It felt like there was a chance we could actually be a family, or something like it. I could picture it. I was a fool toletmyself picture it. I had let my hopes run away with me, which is something I never do.

I am someone who is analytical, who sees a situation from all angles. It’s what has gotten me where I am today. It’s something I’ve prided myself in. But with Josie, becoming a father, I couldn’t see any other angle than me being a part of her life. Now, that is trying to be taken away from me.

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