Page 118 of Forbidden Desire

“I know that now. At least, I think I do. But back then…” I wipe a tear from my cheek. “It was easier to keep it a secret, even though it damn near broke my parents’ hearts. It was just another thing I did to disappoint them. They probably think it’s my mission in life to do everything against their wishes.”

“Why didn’t you tell them?”

“Because my father would never let it rest. He’d go after you with attorneys and make a mess. I didn’t want to go through that.”

Marco nods like he’s starting to understand, but I know part of him never will. I know he’s hurt by everything I’ve done. I wish I could go back and fix things, knowing who he is now. Even so, my father is still my father, and he’d probably still make a mess of things even now.

“It got easier to build a world with just Josie and I in it. Where I could keep her safe. But…”

“But what?” he asks, his hand still on mine, giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement.

“I didn’t realize how lonely it was until you came back into my life.”

He reaches up and wipes away a tear from my cheek with his thumb, but doesn’t remove his hand from my face. I lean in to it. He looks just as sad as I feel.

“Do you ever plan on telling them about me?” he asks, his voice no more than a whisper.

I stay silent for a moment, not wanting to feel the absence of his hand against my face when I tell him my answer. I want to stay here in this little café, looking at each other and not having to face all the complicated truths.

“I don’t know,” I say finally.

He gives a solemn nod before slowly taking his hand from my face. I can see the heaviness he feels fall like a dark cloud over his features, and I regret the words that have hurt him like this. But they’re true, and it’s time I’m honest.

“But I want you to be a part of Josie’s life. I do,” I say adamantly.

I know he wants more, though. I just don’t know how to give it to him if I don’t know where we stand. I’m so damn scared to fall when there’s so much at risk. When Josie is at risk.

“You can come up tonight,” I add quickly. “Put her to bed.”

Marco just shakes his head slowly. “That’s okay. I’ll wait for another night when your brother isn’t there. I’d hate to complicate your life any more…”

“Marco…” I start, but his hand is already leaving mine from under the table. I’m losing him.

When our coffee and pastries come, we barely eat them, picking at them in silence. This is not how I wanted the night to go. I wish I wasn’t so damn scared of my feelings for him. My fear is pushing him away when all I want is for him to stay.

Chapter 56

Marco

Iwalk Erica outside of the café, leaving the warmth of its cozy atmosphere and walking out into the city night, sounds of traffic and busy sidewalks surrounding us. It’s like we’ve left our own little world and have stepped back into reality, in more ways than one. I wish we could have stayed there. I wish we could have stayed how we were before tonight, when I learned the harsh truth that I’m a secret. I can’t help but feeling like a dirty one.

I tried to understand what she was telling me, and I mostly did. She’s been through her own little hell throughout the past couple of years, going through pregnancy alone and raising her daughter on her own, all because of her fear. Her fear of her family. Her fear of me. Her fear of the outside world finding out and twisting it into a story for the tabloids. I hate that I’m even on that list of things to be scared of.

My heart broke for her when she told me about her parents. I wish they would have reacted differently, given her the love and support she needed, rather than supporting her fears of being honest with them. I hope by now she knows that if she would have come to me, I would have done anything she needed of me. I’d be shocked at first, yes. I’m human, but I would have done the right thing.

Back then.Now. I want to do the right thing. I don’t care about the mess of the situation. I want to fix the mess. I also don’t care about the fact that her asshole father would come after me. He wouldn’t even have to sic his lawyers on me. I would gladly give Erica and Josie anything they needed. Money. Support. Help.Anything. I want to prove that to him. To the rest of her family. I want them to know how much I care for their daughter, and their granddaughter.

I hate to think she hid this secret from me for all this time because she was scared I would reject them both. After meeting Josie and having her in my life, it’s unfathomable that I would ever shut them out. Yet, I know that Erica didn’t know that back when she found out she was pregnant. How could she? She only knew me from our one night we had together—where I left her without a word in the morning, and when she figured out who I really was, she only saw me for my reputation.

We’ve only just started to get to know each other again. I thought by now she would have realized I’m not going to hurt her, or Josie. I have no intention of uprooting their lives. I just want to be a part of their lives.

So why is she still scared now? That’s what perplexes me. That’s what hurts. Have I not shown her that I’m here? That I’minthis.

She stands here awkwardly before me, holding her arms as if she’s cold when it’s a balmy night out. I wish I could hold her. She looks anywhere but me. The night has taken a turn I didn’t expect it to go. I thought this night would be different. I was so excited to see her, to have this time alone with her, but it’s nothing like the first date I wanted for us. If that’s what we can even call it.

“I should get back,” she says finally, looking down the sidewalk toward her apartment. We’ve been gone for almost an hour, the night cut too short.

“Right.” I nod, remembering her brother is upstairs with Josie.

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