Page 111 of Forbidden Desire

“Of course. I want to be here…with Josie.”

I wonder if I’ve just broken the spell we’re under by not being honest about my feelings. As much as I love being here with Josie, I also love being here with Erica.

“Right. Well, safe travels.” She opens the door wider.

“Thank you.” I slip out and walk down the hallway, hearing the click of her door behind me. I miss her already.

My flight to Toronto is just under two hours. I spend the time going through the research on the newspaper I’m trying to acquire. I like going in knowing a few rare facts that no one else would know. It shows I have a real interest.

As my private jet approaches the airport, a text comes through on my phone. I’m surprised to see it’s Erica:Good luck today…

I smile to myself, knowing she’s thinking of me. We haven’t texted about anything other than Josie, so this is a pleasant surprise. I quickly type back a response.

Me:Thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Simple enough, but lets her know that I plan on talking to her again later. I want to share it with her. I want to get to know her, and her me, outside of co-parenting. If she’ll let me.

I watch as the city below comes into view, the skyscrapers towering high as we begin our descent. Once we’re on the ground, I get into the waiting town car and head directly to the meeting. I’m cutting it close, and really should have left last night, but I didn’t want to miss out on an evening with Josie and Erica. Knowing I’ll be away from them for a few days is hard enough. I didn’t want to add another night away if I could help it.

I make it to the meeting with a few minutes to spare and breathe a sigh of relief as I walk into the building. An hour later, I walk out with a smile on my face. While I didn’t close the deal, I know I will. I’m meeting with the owner again tomorrow over lunch. I figured a stiff meeting in the boardroom is great for talking facts, but a conversation over lunch would be more personable.

I ride in the town car to my hotel and check in at the front desk, before taking the elevator up to my room, which takes up the entire top floor and has 360 views of the city. Even though I have a similar view in New York, seeing a new city like this is exciting, especially when I’m about to land a major deal in it. I wish I hadsomeone to share this view with. I pull out my phone and text that someone.

Me:Nothing official yet, but it’s looking good.

Erica:The Shark strikes again ;)

Me:How is Josie?

Erica:She’s good. We are heading to lunch.

Me:I miss her.

Erica:She misses you too.

I want to tell Erica I miss her too, but I know if I ever share my feelings it has to be in person. If we get another chance at this, I want to do it right.

Me:Have fun at lunch. Talk soon.

I toss my phone onto the large couch in the center of the suite before plopping down onto it. I could use a nap before I spend the rest of the day exploring the city. I know if I don’t do something, I’ll just pine away in my room thinking about Josie and Erica. I miss them already and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I last saw them. That little girl has me wrapped around her finger, and that mother of hers has had me since I met her.

The more time I spend with them both, I realize how much I want us to be a real family. I can see it so clearly. I can see it because we’re living it, but it almost feels like we’re playing a game of pretend. Like we’re playing house. I get to come over and eat dinner with them and then help with the bedtime routine with Josie, which is the highlight of my day, but then I go home and end up feeling even lonelier. It’s like I have everything I want for a few hours, and then I have to wake up from my dream.

I feel selfish for wanting more, especially when Erica made it clear that I need to be patient with her as she opens up their lives to me. I’ll forever be grateful she did, especially after everything we’ve been through. So much has happened, and there were times I acted like an utter asshole. It’s a wonder she’s given me another chance as it is.

I don’t want to blow this chance, and I have to be sure that if I act on my feelings toward Erica, I won’t lose them both. Hopefully, she knows that my need to be in Josie’s life is very real. I didn’t know how badly I wanted to be a father until I was one. I love that little girl more than life itself. It doesn’t matter that I’ve just met her or learned of her existence. Some part of me must have known for me to be this enthralled by her.

But I’m scared if I don’t act on my feelings, I might lose out on something that could be life-changing. Erica could bethe one. The more time I spend with her, I’m convinced sheisthe one. I can’t stop thinking about her, and not just when I’m in bed remembering the way she tastes. But I can’t stop seeing the little things she does for Josie. How big her heart is and how damn good she is at being a mother. I replay the things she says to me,dripping with sarcasm, that make me laugh long after she’s said them. I see her green eyes, all shades of them, when I close my eyes to go to sleep. I hear her laugh, memorized from the rare times she’s let it tumble out of her.

I know the more time I spend with her, the more I’ll fall for her. I have to win her back. An idea comes to me. I pick up my phone and open my emails. I search for the director of HR and type out an email, asking for Erica to be promoted to be the head of the paper. It’s not simply to win her over, but because I know she deserves it. She knows that paper more than anyone. It’s the one thing she loves, besides Josie.

I’m hoping that if I give her something she loves, then maybe she’ll see that I’m falling in love with her.

Chapter 53

Erica

My phone buzzes on my desk and I can’t help but smile when I see Marco’s name on the screen. I look around to make sure no one else sees the flush of my cheeks and the giddiness I feel sitting here in my cubicle, as if they would even know who was texting me. No one knows anything, and if they do, they’re sworn to remain silent, thanks to Marco.

---