Page 53 of Zero Chance

I huffed out a small smile, even as I knew she wouldn’t be saying that if she knew everything.“Trust me, they’re not so juicy, just…depressing.”

“Come on,” she urged, nudging my knee again with a charming grin.“I’ve told you allkindsof dirt about me.It’s your turn.”

I swallowed, thinking her dirt was nothing compared to the slime and utter filth that coated my secrets.But I tested the waters anyway by blurting, “I hooked up with someone tonight.”

“Wha—?”Her eyes flared with shock as she pulled back to gape at me.“Are you serious?”When I nodded, she fumbled for more words before asking, “At theparty?”

After I gave her another nod, she shook her head.“So you had sex, like,tonight?”she had to reiterate just to make sure she was hearing me right.

“No,” I admitted.“But we did everything else.And I mean,everythingelse.”

Her mouth fell open.“But… When?There—there was barely an hour from the time I lost track of you to when I finally got you on the phone.And you were—” Cutting off abruptly, her features filled with horror before she pressed her hands to her mouth and whispered through her fingers, “Oh my God, you were crying when I showed up.Were you forced?Did you—do you need to go to the hospital?”

I blinked at her, startled by the question.Then I blurted out a sound of amusement at the irony of it.

Xander shook her head slowly before asking, “Why is that funny?”

“Because…” I drew in a long breath, held it, and confessed, “Tonight was the only time Iwasn’tforced.”

She blinked, hugging Bessie to her chest tight enough that I was surprised she didn’t squish all the stuffing out before she whispered, “I’m sorry,what?”

So there it was.I’d told my first person who wasn’t family or a therapist.

“Wait.”She paused herself and began to knead my cow through her hands as if he were a stress ball.“Are you saying you—wow.Let’s put a pin in what happened tonight.When were you—oh my God.Waverly.”

When words failed her, I glanced down at my hands and asked, “Have you ever heard of the scandal at the Westport Children’s Grief Center?”

“Of course,” she said immediately, hugging Bessie once again.“Foster used to go there.That’s where he met his best friends.He was devastated when he heard?—?”

Eyes flaring wide, she shook her head.“No,” she told me.“Holy shit, Frankie.No.Please do not tell me you were one of the girls that Gerald Sprout?—”

When I flinched at those two words and felt the color drain from my face, Xander broke off abruptly, apologizing.“I’m sorry.Oh my God.I’m so sorry.You probably don’t like hearing that name.”

I shook my head and shuddered, not able to make eye contact.“No.No, I don’t,” I whispered.

“Oh, Waverly.”She sobbed out a pained sound.“Oh...I need to hug you.Right now.”

Flinging Bessie to the side, she dove across the mattress and opened her arms to swallow me in a desperate embrace.“This is awful.This is just…”

“It happened a long time ago,” I told her as she pulled away, trying to lessen the importance.

But Xander sputtered, “I don’t care if it happened fifty years ago.This is not something to just shrug off.”

Feeling properly chastised, I glanced down at my hands.“Yeah,” I mumbled.“I guess.”With a shrug, I looked up to send her a small smile.“For the longest time, I wasn’t even able to handle hugs, but?—”

“Oh shit,” she gasped, lifting her hands and leaning away to give me space.“I’m so sorry.I didn’t even think about that.”

So I finished with, “But I’m getting better with them.”

“And you just…” Shaking her head slowly, she studied me closely before she waved her hands and admitted, “I’m sorry.I can’t even imagine what that had to have been like for you.”

I lifted one shoulder.“I’m not sure how to describe it either.”

“Right,” she said, then blew out a breath.“Wow.”She sat there a moment, letting that sink in before she lifted her gaze to me.“So tonight…?”

“He went outside,” I said and began to wring my hands.“I knew he was going out there to meet another girl.I don’t know why I followed him.I just—I was curious.I don’t—I don’t know anything about how normal college people are supposed to—but I wasn’t going to, like,watchthem or anything.I just—” Cupping my head in my hands, I admitted, “I don’t know what I was doing.”

Xander patted my arm.“It’s okay.”

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