Page 11 of No Take Backs

“Yeah.” I huffed out a laugh as I hit the indicator and turned right. “They’re both great. Took a few hours, and Ivy was born about an hour ago. I’ve just left to pick up Gran. The midwife said she can go home tomorrow if she wants.”

“Already?”

“Yeah, apparently she can. Though she can stay longer if she wants. She seems keen to get home, though.”

“Can you send me a pic?”

My smile was automatic at the softness evident in his request. “Will do as soon as I pull over, sure.”

Ryan cleared his throat. “Were you there?”

“Sure was.”

“Oh, wow, and uh, how was it?”

“Gross and strangely amazing. Made me kinda relieved there’s no chance of me ever getting a woman pregnant.” I snorted, only becoming aware of the strange quietness that met my words.

“You won’t?” Curiosity colored his response, and I held my breath, realizing what I’d said. Ryan had no idea I was gay. I supposed it made sense Amber wouldn’t have told him. Why would she, considering their distance?

“I’m just pulling up now,” I answered, avoiding his question. “I’ll text you a photo. I expect Amber will give you a call when she has the energy. Bye, Ryan.”

There was a moment of hesitation before a quiet “Yeah, okay, thanks, Nate. Bye,” followed.

With a heavy breath, I exited my vehicle and rubbed a hand over my face. I was bone-weary, so I couldn’t even begin to imagine how Amber must have been feeling. I pushed my tiredness aside, which honestly seemed to be my new state of being of late, and headed up to the doorway. As soon as I entered, Gran called out to me, “About time!”

I grinned, hearing her shuffle around. I picked up my pace to get to her, not trusting she wouldn’t hurt herself in her rush.

“I got here as soon as I could.” I held back my smirk at the stink eye she shot my way. “I don’t suppose you’re going to give me ten minutes to grab a shower?” Her snort was my answer. “I guess not. Come on, then. It’s time you met your great-granddaughter.”

A flash of warmth appeared in her eyes, gone but a moment later as she bobbed her head. “Let’s get a move on.”

I helped Gran into the car, then shot off a cute photo I’d taken of a smiling Amber and Ivy, who’d been midyawn, to Ryan. We headed to the hospital, picking up some chocolates and a balloon en route.

Amber smiled when she spotted us both, and I hesitated when I realized she was breastfeeding. “Don’t even think about running, Nate. It’s okay you’re here. I’m sure you’ll get used to seeing my boob out.”

I grinned and stepped fully into the room, looking on as Amber inhaled two chocolates and chatted quietly to Gran. After a couple of winces from Amber, Gran called me over to help her stand so she could help her granddaughter latch Ivy on. I did so immediately, not overthinking the weirdness of this situation, but through it all, I smiled, amazed at this whole feeding thing, this baby actually being born, and I’d been lucky enough to have witnessed the entire thing.

“I just can’t get over how she just knows how to do that.” I shook my head once I retook my seat, Ivy seeming to be feeding a little easier.

“Amazing, right?” Amber glanced at me, the darkness under her eyes not dampening her happiness.

“Sure is.”

“Did you talk to Ryan?”

“Yeah. He asked for a photo.” Amber’s teary smile told me it was the right thing to share with her. I tugged my phone out and opened up my messages, having heard the notification alert on the drive back. I read the message over once before smiling, saying, “Ryan thinks Ivy is beautiful, and he can’t wait to meet her. He also said how proud he is of you.”

I glanced over at Amber, who was gazing down at her suckling child. She was a picture of contentment, and I was relieved Ryan had changed his tune from the call we’d had a few weeks back. While I knew he’d made an effort, considering the mass of baby gifts he sent over for Christmas, letting his sister know she mattered and he cared for her was important.

This was good for them, reconnecting. Envy fluttered to life, and my heart panged. What I wouldn’t give for things to be different. I just didn’t know if that would ever be possible for the two of us. Twice Ryan had broken my heart—the first time when he’d left, the second two years later when he’d distanced himself.

I’d be a fool to allow it to happen a third time.

* * *

February

Broken sleep.Inhaling coffee. Stained shirts. My life in a nutshell, but the smiles made it all worthwhile. While Ivy was still far too young to be smiling, her farts made it look that way, which was super cute, and every time I heard her gurgle, my grin came fast.

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