Page 50 of Forbidden Sins

A small, petty, selfish part of me is grateful that it wasn’t one of the younger, more handsome men lined up for her—especially not Nico, who looked like a fucking Greek god, even if Estella found his personality impossible to make up for. She might not have loved any of them, but I could imagine her being attracted to Nico in the end, or even Matteo or Aleksi. My jealous, possessive mind can imagine her rousing to them, finding pleasure in bed with them, crying out their names in the heat of passion when she finally came to terms with the inevitability of forever with one of those men.

That won’t happen with Vito. I both feel terrible for being glad that it’s someone she could never love or feel desire for, and horribly guilty for finding some silver lining in all of this, this awful man that she’s being forced to marry.

Estella looks at me, understanding dawning on her face. She knows me too well, just like I know her, after all these years. “You’re glad it’s him,” she whispers, her cheeks turning pale. “You’re glad it’s not Nico. Not someone I couldwant.”

My jaw tightens, and I swallow hard, giving her a warning look. “I’m notglad, princess,” I hiss, looking over her shoulder to make sure that no one around can hear. Several staff pass by, carrying bundles of flowers for floral arrangements for thehouse, and I grab Estella’s arm, yanking her into a darker corner of the hallway. She shakes me off, glaring.

“What’s gotten into you?” she demands. “You’ve never grabbed me like that. What the hell, Sebastian?”

“Don’t bait me, princess,” I warn, my voice dark and tight with hurt and anger. “I’m not happy about any of this, and you fucking know that. But God help me, yes, I’m glad you’re not going to bed with one of those other men. That you’re not going to fuck Nico Adamos. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make me sick that you’re going to have to go to bed with anyone else at all!” The words come out in a vicious hiss.

“That’s not fair,” Estella whispers. “I don’t have a choice, Sebastian.”

“That doesn’t make it fucking easier. Don’t tell me you don’t think about it, too. That you don’t imagine me in bed with another woman and feel fucking murderous?—”

“Of course I do!” Her eyes well up with tears, bright and glittering. “You don’t think I know that you’re not going to live the rest of your life like a fucking priest, Sebastian? You’re going to fuck some other woman—lots of them, probably, gorgeous women who will get to do all the things I want to do to you. Kiss you, and touch you, go down on their knees for you and?—”

“Stop.” I shake my head, cutting her off. I can’t fucking stand to hear another word. “Don’t talk about that, Estella. I can’t—I can’t think about that.”

“Why?” She tosses her hair back, glaring at me. “Because you’ll kiss me again?”

“Because I’ll get hard, and that fucking hurts right now,” I grind out between my teeth. “Goddamn it, princess—we can’t… we can’t do this. We can’t fight. It won’t help anything.”

“It’s what he wants,” she mutters. “It’s why he let you live. So we can both be tormented by what’s going on, but especiallyyou. He’ll never let you leave, now. Not until he’s sure that you’ve been punished enough.”

“I’d endure it again.” My voice drops, and against my own will, against everything I know is wise, I reach out to touch the side of her jaw, turning her face toward me. “Estella. Do you hear me? I’d endure it all again for that kiss. But we can’t fight each other. I have to protect you from?—”

“What?” She presses her lips together, jerking away from my touch. “What can you protect me from, Sebastian? From people who want to hurt me? You can’t protect me from my own husband, and he’ll be hurting me every time he touches me. You can be damn sure that my father will make certain Vito keeps you on as my guard, so that you can know every time he fucks me. So you can watch me carry his children and give birth to them, and have everything with him that we want with each other?—”

She breaks off abruptly, realizing how much she’s said. The words cut me to the core. To hear her say that so plainly?—

“I’m sorry.” She starts to twist away from me. “I shouldn’t have said that. It was just a kiss, I don’t know if you want—if you would?—”

“Yes.” I reach out, touching her face again, forcing her to look at me. “If we were different people, in a different life, Estella—yes. I would want all of that and more.”

It’s the answer to the question she asked me, the one I refused to answer before. And I know, as soon as I say it, that I should have kept it locked away. Her face falls, and tears shine brightly in her eyes as she looks at me.

“Oh God, Sebastian?—”

“It doesn’t matter,” I tell her firmly. “We can have all the dreams we want, but this life is what it is. And I will keep you safe in whatever ways I’m able, Estella. I promise you that.”

Her face is pale with shock. “He’s going to be here today,” she whispers. “I have to go get changed?—”

My jaw tightens, the muscle there ticking. Frankly, I don’t know how I’m going to bear this, either—how I’m going to watch her spend day after day with Vito, accept his ring, his kisses, say vows to him on their wedding day, and everything that comes after. I don’t know how I’m going to keep from bursting into the room on their wedding night and slitting his fucking throat before he can touch her.

But the alternative is leaving her—leaving, and hoping that Antony Gallo doesn’t drag me back to face his twisted version of justice, all the while leaving Estella without my protection.

I can break my vow to her—or we can live in hell together.

It’s not really a choice.

“Go.” I take a step back. “You should make sure you’re ready. There’s no point in angering Antony further.”

Estella looks at me, misery in her eyes, but she nods, pushing past me as she heads for the stairs. I watch her go, feeling the cracks in my heart open up a little wider, one by one, with every step that she takes away from me.

—

At six p.m. on the dot, Vito Bianchi’s town car arrives.

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