Page 90 of Did They Break You

Then I grab her jaw, fingers splayed on her cheek as I kiss her so fucking hard, neither of us are breathing. Her nails slide to my arms, digging into my biceps, and I just kiss her harder, wanting to fuck her right here but knowing, somewhere in my brain, it’s not a good idea.

Finally, I pull away from her, letting her go as I sink back on my heels.

She looks away, pulling up her underwear and her jeans, buttoning them before she sits up, running a hand through her hair, staring at the ground.

“You know something, Remi?” I ask her without looking at her. I turn from her, snatch her phone from where it fell under the bench and hand it to her, our fingers brushing against each other before I drop my hand.

“Don’t feel too fucked up over this. You’re not the only one who gets off on reminders.” My eyes roam over her body. “Grab your shit. I’m not leaving you out here by yourself.”

She takes her phone and gets to her feet, but then she glares at me, dusting off the back of her pants. “You can’t keep doing this to me.”

I laugh and bring my fingers to my mouth, sucking her off of me before I drop my hand.

Her face flushes red and I relish in it. “Sure tastes like you didn’t mind.”

She steps close to me, her eyes narrowed. “I mean it.”She stands on her tiptoes, her hand smacking against my chest as she gets in my face. “Leave. Me.Alone.”

My blood heats. “Don’t hit me, baby.” But I keep my hands by my sides.

She hits me anyway, not backing down. I know what she’s feeling. She hates herself for letting me touch her and she’s taking it all out on me.“I don’t want you,”she says, like she can convince herself.

For a second, I just stare at her, my chest heaving. I let her hit me again. And again. Then I reach out and grab her arm to keep it still, a startled gasp leaving her lips.

“We never got to talk about this, you know,” I tell her quietly. She tries to hit me with her other hand but I grab that one too, both of her wrists pinned together between us. “We never got to really work this shit out.”

She stops squirming. With her eyes searching mine, she whispers, “There’s nothing to work out.” I loosen my grip on her wrists but don’t let go as she sinks back on her heels. “You got away with a crime and I have to live with it while you get to do whatever the hell you want to.”

I shake my head, smiling small at her. “You think I don’t think about it?”

“What’s there to think about, Cortland?” she demands. “For you, what do you play in your head when you think of that night? Do you think about pinning me to that tree?”

Yeah. I do.

“Do you think about yanking down my jeans, your forearm pressed against my heart?” Her voice breaks, but she takes a steady breath, not letting me see all of her pain.

I think about my mouth on yours. My tongue on your throat. My teeth against your skin. How good you felt when I got to fuck you for the first time.

“Do you think about how much I thought you would never, ever hurt me?” Her lower lip trembles.

I feel my stomach curl into knots but look into her eyes when I say, “Baby, I didn’t hurt you.”

She twists her hands and this time I let her go. She steps back, putting space between us. “Do you think,” she closes her eyes a second, breathing in. Out. “About how your friends got to feel everything you felt? Every inch of my body that you used,” my heart pounds too hard in my chest, “they used?”

For a moment, we just stare at each other in the dark. “What do you want me to say, Remi? That I hate that part? That I regret letting anyone else touch you? That if I could changeone thing,it would be that I protected you?”

Her eyes are big and sad. Both of our chests heave.

“What do you want to hear? To make it all better for you?”

She reaches out. Her palm presses close to my chest, over my heart. That gesture alone makes me want to cry. I wonder if she can feel how fast my pulse is beating.

I slide my arms up her forearms, then to her side, down her hips. Slipping my fingers under her hoodie, I yank her closer to me, loving the feel of her body pressed up against mine.

“Tell me how to fix it, baby. Tell me what you need, Remi.”

“I need…” She trails off, resting her forehead to my chest.

I kiss her ear, then lower, on her neck.

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