Page 199 of Did They Break You

Crystal clears her throat, and when I look her way, I see she doesn’t look at all confused. He told her.

He told her his version of events.

Anger courses through me as Crystal tries to smooth things over.

“Silas, I know you’re angry with the way the media covered everything,” she glances down at her lap, “and I’m sorry you had to be subjected to that, Remi.” Her big brown eyes meet mine again and my throat feels tight. “But you could change things if you were in that space. If you wanted.”

I think about how they reported on Chase, Storm, Brinklin, and Cortland’s extracurriculars. How they were lauded as small-town football heroes and I was just an anonymous girl making allegations.

Allegations that didn’t pan out.

And even now, I have no idea if they were right.

“Did you say no?”

No. And it’s not just verbally. I know that’s not all consent is. But did I indicate “no” in any kind of way?

I don’t know if I’ve ever really stood up for myself in my entire life. Even when I made Cortland crawl to me. When I made him bleed. When I sucked his dick in his truck, I never stood my ground. I thought that’s what I was doing.

But I was just trading one hurt for another.

Being used against my will to flinging myself at anyone who would have me, and thinking it was control. Just like smashing my knuckles against that table last night, the skin still banged up today.

I grit my teeth and realize my dad is speaking again. “How is Cortland Adler these days?” he asks me quietly, and even Crystal is speechless this time. “I heard he transferred. Have you seen him?”

He settles back in his seat, hands on his thighs as he regards me with disdain.

“Hetransferred?”Ah, sothisis news to Crystal. I can feel her gaze on the side of my face, but I don’t look at her. “Silas, you should’ve put a stop to?—”

“Kind of hard to do, Crystal,” Silas says through clenched teeth, but he’s still staring at me, “especially when your daughter is seen hanging out with him on campus.”

A cold chill runs down my spine.

Crystal is speechless.

Shame washes over me, hot and cold all at once. I want to run out of here. I want toleave, but I don’t.

I can’t.

I’m rooted to the spot.

My stepdad’s pale pink lips curve into a satisfied smile. “Yes,” he says with a heavy sigh, “Cortland’s mother informed me you were seen on campus with her son. Why would you ever entertain your rapist, Remi?”

The room seems to spin.

“Was he harassing you?” Crystal immediately asks, angry on my behalf. “If he’s harassing you, we need to do something about?—”

“I don’t think he’s harassing her, Crystal.” Silas’s gaze doesn’t leave mine, and I see a waiter walk into our private dining room, but Silas holds up a hand, dismissing him with that single gesture. He drops his hand, still smirking at me. “Is he, Remi?”

I curl my hands into fists, stunned.

What do I say?

I wish someone was here to help me. Help me explain what I’m feeling. What really happened that night. How everything was so blurry, and then Silas… did what he did. The trip to the hospital. The way he knew I’d never tell them whathedid to me.

How Chase and Brinklin and Storm and Cortland were still in the wrong.

“Have you slept with him, Remi?” Silas feigns disgust as Crystal sucks in a breath, saying my stepdad’s name.

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