Page 194 of Did They Break You

Then he drops his hands, spins around, and he’s so distant as he looks at me. “You could have ruined my life.”

Shock.Shockis what I feel. Shock that he doesn’t care about how I felt. What Silas did. The ways he fucked me over. Like allof his guilt is gone in this moment. “Are you… serious? You don’t think that’sexactlywhat you did?—”

“You didn’t say no, Remi,” he reminds me, as if I don’t know that. As if I didn’t just tell him how I couldn’t. “You didn’t say fucking no and you didn’t try to stop any of us, did you?”

I stand then. “Fuck you,” I tell him. “You are nothing but a spoiled fucking?—”

“You think you’re the only one with a fucked-up parent, Remi?” He runs his hand through his hair, stepping back from me as if I’m diseased.

“It wasn’t enough that I was crying?” I ask him, my voice breaking. “It wasn’t enough that I was staring at you while you let them use me? It wasn’t enough that youtook my virginity in the woods, in front of your friends?”I hear the hurt in my words, and I wish there was more anger, but I can’t help it, and I don’t stop. “And you didn’t stop them, because you’re a fuckingcoward?”

His eyes widen. He stabs his finger to his chest, coming closer, crowding me against the couch. “Me?I’mthe coward?” Those words are incredulous. “You thinkI’mthe fucking coward?” He smiles, but there’s nothing kind in it. Dropping his hand, straightening, he rolls his eyes. “You couldn’t say one fucking word that night.You couldn’t say one goddamn word.”

I feel the heat in my chest, in my veins, and before I know what I’m doing, I turn and yank the lamp from the side table, hurling it at him as hard as I can, the cord ripping from the outlet, a cry leaving my lips.

He grabs it by the base as it connects with his chest, then throws it behind him, where it clatters on the floor. “You wanna start throwing shit again now? You can’t use your words so you’re gonna act like a toddler?” he growls, stepping closer still.

I back up, my calves hitting the couch, and I have nowhere else to go.

“You almost sent me to fucking prison, ruined my goddamn life, because you couldn’t say one fucking word?—”

I hit him with the back of my hand, my bloody knuckles stinging as they connect with his face, another growl leaving my lips. His head snaps to the side, and his hand comes to his face as he stills, stunned for a moment.

Then I shove him, my palms planted against his chest.

He takes a single step back, hand still on his face. I think about that red mark before his bullshit therapy session. I wonder what he cries about in there. I wonder if he’s ever felt as hollow as I do.

I wonder if his remorse was always manufactured.

He drops his hand as he turns his head to glare at me. “Remi, don’t do that again?—”

I shove him again, harder this time, throwing all of my weight into it.

He goes back another step, his jaw clenched, his hands by his side.

“I loathe you,” I tell him, the words venomous.I get closer, having to tilt my head back to see him. “You’re no better than Silas. You’re no better thanChase.You’re nothing but?—”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see the problem here, Remi,” he cuts me off with cold words. He leans down close, his mouth hovering over mine. “Seems like it isn’t me after all. It’s not your stepdad. Not fuckingChase.”

I feel sick, my stomach twisting, my body tense, as if I can shield myself from the blow.

“It’s you.”He doesn’t touch me, but he might as well have slapped me, the way those words feel. “You’re the problem, baby. You’re sick and fucked up and looking for attention and when people give it to you, you decide you don’t want it that way.” He laughs, stepping back, scrubbing a hand over his jaw before he drops it by his side. “Well fuck that, Remi. I’m not waitingaround until the next time you decide what I did wasn’t what you wanted.” He shrugs, turning away from me and snatching my clothes up from the floor, throwing them at me.

No.I want to scream.Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.

“I’ll call you a cab. Get dressed and wait for it outside. Have a nice fucking life.”

CHAPTER

FIFTY-TWO

CORTLAND

The noisefrom the stadium is drowned out in my anger, my pulse pounding in my ears. I’m calling plays and I can’t even hear myself talking. All I can think about is her in my living room last night. Her confessions. The tone of her voice, fucking broken. The confusion in my head.

All I can think about is finding Silas and gutting him.

I’ve never wanted to kill a man I’ve never met before, but there’s a first time for everything.

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