Page 205 of Did They Break You

“Why?” I question, crossing my arms over my chest. “You were right about everything.”

He pulls his lip ring between his teeth, glancing down at the space between us. “I wasn’t,” he says, his words hoarse. “I was a fucking dick, and after what you told me about your stepdad,” he looks up, “I shouldn’t have even let you go?—”

“Let me?” I repeat, proud my voice is calm. Cold. Exactly what I wanted it to be. I think about walking out on Silas, how good it felt. It won’t feel that good to walk away from Cortland, but I think I have to do it all the same. Sloane’s words ring in my head. About him not having changed. About Maya, too.

“Baby,” he whispers, his voice quiet as he straightens from the truck and steps closer. I take in his bleary eyes, the lines beneath them. I hate that I feel something for him. That I want to forgive him. That I want to pretend all the bad shit never happened between us. “I’m so sorry. I was just…” He trails off, swearing under his breath as he looks down.

“Why did you call me?” I ask him, ignoring his apology. I’m kind of sick of them. “Why did you even give a fuck about it?” I don’t take my eyes off of his. “Have a nice life, remember?” My throat feels scratchy as I repeat his words, but my voice doesn’t waver. “I would’ve found out about the fire just fine on my own.” I offer him a fake smile. “I don’t need you looking after me anymore, Cortland. I think tonight I found my voice.”

His eyes narrow. “Did he hurt you?—”

“Didn’t you hear me?” I step closer, tipping my chin up. “I don’t need you anymore.”

“Remi.” That word is a rasp.

“I should go.” I hate saying those words, but now that I’m speaking all the painful truths, I can’t stop. “We both know this isn’t going to work out.”

“Baby. I’m sorry.” He sounds like he means it, but I think about his anger last night. Hurled all over me without a thought to how I might feel about it. Without getting outside of his own head and trying to feel my pain. “Last night I was stupid. It was a knee-jerk reaction because?—”

“Because someone informed me that the shitty thing I went through was a crime?” I supply for him. I hug myself tighter, arms still crossed over my chest. “Some people don’t process they’ve been assaulted until much later, after the fact. It’s actually a good thing Silas is such a piece of shit. He was quick to spell it all out for me.”

Cortland stares at me, his face cast in shadow with the porch light at his back. His expression is unreadable, and for the firsttime since I decided to be brave, I want to crumble again. I want to sink into his arms. I want to go inside with him.

I want to pretend last night didn’t happen, because everything before it was so damn good.

And I think I see that same defeat in his eyes. Resignation. It almost reminds me of those hazy memories of my mom, passing out on the couch. It’s the mark of an addict. Yeah, we’re fucked, and yeah, we can’t figure this shit out, but for now, it feels good to give in.

But just like my mom,eventually, the high will kill us both.

“We had a thing in high school,” I say, pushing memories of Mom from my mind. Thinking instead of those I keep locked up tight. In the basement of my brain. “We had a thing, andyoumessed it up.”

He doesn’t react at all, so I keep talking, stepping even closer until we’re only a few feet apart and I can smell him.

He smells so good. Like home.

“We don’t even know each other very well?—”

“Remi, we went to school together for two fucking years.”

“And you spent both of them letting Maya Bell suck your dick.”

He shakes his head, his jaw clenched. “I dumped her when I saw what she did to you.”

“But what about before? She didn’t suddenly become a bad person in that gym, Cort. She was always a bitch.”

He nods once, taking a step toward me.

I have to tilt my head back to look at him.

“I know,” he says, his voice low. “I didn’t care because she was an easy fucking lay.”

My heart leaps, but I don’t say anything.

“I was a horny high schoolboy,Remi.”

Anger makes my pulse pound in my head.

“And I already told you.” Another step, and we’re more than close enough to touch, but neither of us reach for the other. “I didn’t want to fuck up your life?—”

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