Page 135 of Did They Break You

“Let me,” I tell him as he resists. “Let me be in control.”

He stills, his fingers stiff around my neck as he stares at me.

I hear him swallow, and slowly, he pulls back, releasing me.

He reaches into his pants, adjusting himself, and I lean across the console, my fingers going to his hand.

“Remi,” he says, surprise in his words. He wasn’t expecting that conversation to gothisway. But I’m tired of being what everyone expects. Quiet, damaged,broken.

What’s the point of breaking if you don’t get to make other people bleed every once in a while?

I flick open the button of his dark gray pants, pull down the zipper as I meet his gaze. Then I tug on the waistband, and he stares at me a moment in the dark.

“You don’t have to do this,” he says softly.

“I know.”

“You don’t have to… to prove you’re better than her.”

My chest tightens.“I know.”

“Let’s just go back to my?—”

I tug on his pants again. “You want me to be innocent and sweet and docile for you, Cortland?” I ask him quietly, seeing his jaw tick in the darkness, his head against his seat, turned toward me. I glance at his pants, his black boots, letting my gaze slowly travel back up to his face. “If I were that kind of girl, you wouldn’t have walked in on what you did.”

“Remi,” he says warningly, his hand coming over mine, like a threat.

I ignore him. “I wouldn’t want to suck your dick right now in your truck.”

He stares at me in the dark, then his hand comes back around my throat, his grip tight. He squeezes—not hard enough that I can’t breathe, but close. I drag my hand down over his pants, feeling his hard cock as I squeeze it beneath my fingers.

His grip on my throat tightens and there’s something about the dominant position he’s in that, despite what I’m trying to do to him, I kind of like.

“Is this another way to hurt yourself?” he asks me quietly, leaning over the console, his breath over my mouth as he speaks. “Is this like a blade to your wrist, my cock in your mouth?”

I swallow hard, beneath his hand, and I don’t know what to say.

Yeah,I think,it is just like that.

“Another form of self-harm?” He runs his mouth over mine. “Is that what you’re doing here, baby? Breaking your own heart?”

My face flames with him seeing through me so easily. But it’s not just me I want to cut.It’s him.

He laughs when I don’t speak. “That’s okay. I’ll take your mouth any way I can get it. But do you want to suck my dick?” His hand tightens around my throat, fingers flexing. “Or did you want to suck his?”

Warmth spreads through me with his question. “I think I owe you,” I tell him, thinking of the library. The graveyard.

His lip ring brushes over my mouth and I dart my tongue out, my piercing hitting his own. “Yeah,” he whispers against my lips, “I think you do, pretty baby.” He grips me tighter, but pulls back, glancing down at his lap. “Come here, Remi. Come suck my cock.”

My heart pounds in my head, and I stare at him for a long moment, his hand still on my throat.

I know it’s a bad idea. Especially with Maya’s texts.

I’m not different.

But I can’t get him out of my head.

Maybe I could fuck him out of my system. Maybe that’s what I need to get past this. Maybe one more hit of the poison is the antidote.

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