Page 92 of Seeing Grayscale

When he kisses my neck, the pressure feather-light, I rush out, “I would do it for you.”

His lips stop their gentle torture. He pulls away, searching my face. “Do what?”

I swallow hard. “What they couldn’t.”

THIRTY-NINE

“Who,Gray?Whatareyou talking about?”

I cup his face with both hands. “I would keep your secret andbeyour secret. I would do it without hesitating if I knew…if you could…”

Strong arms curl around my back, holding me tight, encouraging me to keep talking.

“If you can promise me that you won’t…that it won’t be…” My throat clogs around the ball of emotions. I don’t like being this vulnerable. Every survival instinct inside me is throwing a fucking fit over how I’ve just rolled over, belly exposed. I’mbaring my throat, hoping there won’t be a killing blow. Wetting my lips, I try again, “You can’t treat me like Brent. Or Leonard. I’m not…disposable.” It’s a whisper, a bitter confession.

It’s a dream.

A wish.

Please don’t throw me away like everyone else.

He’s quiet, staring at me like I’ve given him the biggest puzzle to solve. What I’ve said seems to have paralyzed him until the cigarette between his fingers burns. He hisses, chucks the butt, and returns to holding me. With a tiny shake of his head, he blows out his lips and presses his forehead to mine. “You’re making it exceptionally difficult to do the right thing, sweetheart.”

“So you don’t want that?” I’m ready to rip myself out of his arms, but he squeezes me tighter.

“Ido. I want it—you. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore. The only thing I do know is you deserve more—better—a man who isn’t afraid of his own shadow. I could never be more than what I reveal behind a closed door. That isn’t much to offer.”

Because he won’t even try, he’s crippled bywhat if. What if his dad freaks and disowns him? What if he’s proven to be a disappointment? What if the only parent to never leave him, does? I don’t know his dad—I know very little about him, but Hunter is a truly impressive man. What’s not to fucking love?

“I don’t want what you have to offer,” I say adamantly. “You could’ve been another homeless dude on the street. It’s the way you didn’t turn away. It’s the way you proved to me that not everyone is an evil motherfucker,” I growl.

My hands paw at his face, trying to get us closer. Eventually, I settle on carding my fingers through his hair, keeping him sealed to me. “Please,” I whisper.

“We could never show PDA,” he starts, kissing my forehead. “We could never touch like this or hold hands. No one could know you’re staying here. You would have to fake an address for mail.” He drags his lips over my cheek. “Is that what you want, Gray? To give up any notion of a real relationship?”

He’s right. I know he is, but his lips are close to mine, his hands are on me, and his stupid cologne is in my nose. He feels good, smells good, and most of all, he feels fucking safe. So safe that I know without a shadow of a doubt that he’d never hurt me. He’d never make me do anything I don’t want to. Everything about my life has been public. Nothing is a secret when you are on the streets. The world has a front row view of everything you do.

But just like he’s hesitant to agree, I’m reluctant to say that I could tolerate the alternative for any length of time.

“I’ll be honest, sweetheart,” he rasps, peppering tiny kisses on the corner of my mouth. My brain turns to mush in my skull as my body jolts with emotion-based reactions. “You should say it isn’t what you want. You should say that you want more, that this would never work.” I gasp when he grabs my ass, tugging me impossibly closer. “Tell me to fuckingstopand I will.” I try to kiss him, but he nudges my face to the side so he can press his nose to my pulse point. His breath hits my skin as he talks. “But I hope that you don’t. I hope you’re willing to sacrifice a conventional relationship so that I can keep you. I just want to keep you, Gray.”

Nowhe kisses me.

The brutality with which he attacks my mouth throws me for a loop. He’s always been so gentle with me, but now it’s like a switch has been flipped and the gloves are off. He’s taking what he wants, spearing his tongue in between my lips and swallowing my breaths. With one hand firmly over my asscheek,the other holding the back of my head, I’ve got no choice but to drop my arms around his hips, and let him lead.

“God, you drive me crazy,” he growls as he comes up for air. The smack of our mouths, the slick heat of our tongues, and the possessive grip on me turns me fucking feral.

I pour myself into the kiss, digging my nails into his back, sucking his bottom lip between my teeth hard enough to make him grunt. Our sounds quickly grow too obscene to stay out in his backyard. Walking me backwards until my back hits the glass sliding door, Hunter wedges his leg between mine. Flashes of last night pound through me, reminding me that I make stupid decisions whenever we kiss without hesitation. And fuck do I want to make some right now.

I want him to touch me, let me touch him—show me what he likes. I’m not necessarily wanting to get fucked, but I’d do it for Hunter. I’d let him have every inch of me. Instead, he grinds his thigh against my dick, coaxing it to full mast.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I breathe, using his body as leverage as I thrust against him. “I don’t want to.”

“Let me take care of you,” he begs, pressing on my asscheek, squeezing it and helping me just like he did last night.

“We should go inside.” We kiss more while he doesn’t stop making me fuck his leg.

“No, because if we go inside, I won’t stop.”

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