Page 32 of Only Some Stars Fall
I flip open the bottles of his shampoo and body wash and breathe in the smell of him. I wash my hair, spending a few extra minutes under the nourishing water with the buzz of his presence and his touch still lingering on me. The sudden realization that I can’t go back now hits my chest and nearly knocks the air out of me. I’m falling for him; I’ve plummeted into the depths of Hux Anderson’s allure. There is so much I still don’t know about him, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m a penny thrown down a well, wishing to not break apart when I hit the bottom.
The panic makes its way to my throat. Giving him this power is dangerous. I have done this before, and it didn’t work out in my favor. In fact, I was destroyed into a pile of unrecognizable parts I didn’t think would ever be put back together.
I’m fairly certain these feelings aren’t just from me. He did push me up against a wall and devour my mouth. I lean my head against the cold tile of the shower. What am I going to do about these feelings?
It’s time to list out the facts. One, Hux has a girlfriend, or well, at least something going on with Ashlee. Two, though it’s undeniable that there is some sort of sexual tension between us, I have no reason to think all of this isn’t just casual fun for Hux, and I am very much not a casual person. And three, in about a month and a half, I’ll be leaving to return to my real life. So what’s the point?
But even as I question whatever this is and all the cons on this imaginary pro/con chart, I know I don’t care. I want to be near him. I want to touch him, and I want him to touch me. I want to smell his shampoo as he removes his hat and pushes his fingers through his hair, and I want to take note of every time he gives me those arrogant smirks that make my whole body tingle.
I shut off the water, grab the towel off the hook, and wrap the soft fabric around my body. I open up his medicine cabinet in search of a comb and some toothpaste. On the bottom shelf lays his black comb, and beside it, a woman’s hair brush with long blond strands of hair woven within the bristles. My stomach turns a bit, and now I am struck with not panic but guilt. I grab his comb and toothpaste and shut the mirror quickly, willing myself to unsee the evidence of another woman.
I know I need to talk to Hux about his status with Ashlee. Maybe he’s fine with a little something on the side, but I’m not. We may not have slept together, but in my world, what we havedone already is definitely crossing a line. I’ve never been that girl, and I’ve never wanted to be.
What am I doing?
No matter how much I question Ashlee’s sincerity, I refuse to be that person who goes after something that isn’t hers without regard for other people’s feelings. I need to get it together and right this wrong.
I take some deep breaths as I comb my hair and use my finger to brush my teeth the best I can. I pull out my bathing suit and my clothes from yesterday and slip into them. At least my pre-work clothes are better than the ones that must smell of fried food and a hint of throw up. I am reminded that I cuddled up to Hux in those clothes last night. Putting my hands over my eyes, I rake them down my face.How is this my life?
We sitside by side at the small counter, sipping our coffees and looking out at the lake. I can already tell that the day is going to be gorgeous, and I am looking forward to finally getting some time on the dock with my book. First, I need to talk to Hux about Ashlee. I need to get this off my chest before it festers and chokes me. I clear my throat and prepare to just let it all out.
“What are you planning to do today?” Hux asks out of the blue. His eyes are still on the lake.
“Uh, well, honestly, I was planning to just hang back at the house on the dock or something and try to process or, better yet, forget the last twenty-four hours of my life.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know they don’t sound the way I mean them to. I look at his face and see the corners of his lips turn down for a split second. Did my comment actually bother him? But in a flash, the look is gone, and his face looks relaxed again.
“Well, my dad got back in a few days ago and said he wouldcover for me so I could take the day off. I don’t even know the last time I had a full day and night off.” He rubs the back of his neck and looks over at me. “What do you say? A day of adventure? Let me show you what Silsby has to offer. Local style?” A genuine smile dances across his face, and I can’t help but smile back. A day with no fighting, no tension, just Hux and I enjoying one another? It sounds like a dream. The brush in the bathroom creeps back into my memory and reminds me I have yet to bring up whatever this situation we are in is. I think for a minute, taking a long sip from my mug, and turn my gaze back to the lake.
“Oh, come on. I think I owe you at least something. It will be fun, I promise.”
Ah, YOLO, right? I promise myself to keep my hands, lips, and all other body parts away from him at all times. I mean, it’s not like being friends is against any girl code rules, right?
I sigh. “Only if you promise to be on your very best behavior.” I stare him down. “Seriously, I mean it.”
“Scouts honor.” He smirks, holding three fingers up.
The old truckbumps and groans as we make our way down what Hux swears is a road, but to me, looks more like a neglected old four-wheeler trail that hasn’t seen an actual person in decades. The windows are down, and every few minutes, I catapult into the middle seat as branches from the overgrown trees and shrubs invade the cab. Dust coats the hood of the truck, and my body bounces continuously. Thankfully, I am not someone who is easily carsick because this is one hell of an off-roading adventure.
“Not too much longer, but then we have quite the hike ahead,” he says as he takes a sharp left, and the truck descends ahill. I feel the loose rocks slide out beneath the tires, and my palms begin to sweat a bit.Is this really safe?
“A hike? You didn’t say anything about a hike!” On top of this car ride that has been anything but relaxing, he wants me to then hike? Don’t get me wrong, I love a morning walk, maybe some hot yoga on Tuesdays, but a hike in the northern Maine woods with who knows what creatures? Yeah, I think I’ll pass.
“Well, I thought you would have got the hint when I let you borrow some of my mom’s hiking boots.” And that signature grin spreads across his face. I smack his arm as he pulls the truck over onto a grassy patch. I see signs that other cars have parked here, so I guess people do come out here from time to time. That makes me feel a little better… I think.
“I promise, it’s worth the journey,” Hux says as he kills the ignition and hops out of the truck.
“How very inspirational of you.” I tie my hair up in a messy bun. “You have made a lot of promises lately, you know,” I grumble as I follow him around to the bed of the truck.
“And have I broken any of them yet?” Our eyes meet for a moment before I roll my eyes and grab the backpack he packed for me.
He straps his pack onto his back and heads toward a small cairn of rocks. Looking over his shoulder, he reaches the head of the trail.
“Ready?”
I stand there, staring at him. Hux’s blond hair sticks out behind his backward cap. He is wearing a clean white T-shirt, and his arms are golden from days out in the sun. His jeans ride low on his hips. This man. How can he be both arrogant and infuriating, as well as humble and warm? A constant toss-up between a rugged angel and the devil himself. I shouldn’t be here; he is everything I was trying to stay away from. On top ofthe fact that I still haven’t addressed what we are, or more importantly, what Ashlee and he are.
Nevertheless, I follow him into the woods onto the secluded trail, the sun on my face as it seeps through breaks in the trees. My eyes stay focused on him despite the natural beauty around us, watching the sweat bead on the back of his neck, starting to dampen the collar of his shirt. Like a compass needle, I follow wherever he leads.
But what if this compass is broken? What if I am being led astray? Maybe I am just walking in circles, lost in the woods forever and unable to ever get out.
